Classic MAZ

Valentine's Day for Classic MAZ

2012-02-12T14:50:00.002-06:00

My earliest memory of Valentine's Day is maybe around 2nd grade. I remember spreading out all the cards in front of me and spending way too much worry and time trying to figure out which classmate got which card.

There were several kids in my class that I did not want to give a Valentine.
(sing song whiny voice)

"BUT WE HAVE TO GIVE TO EVERYONE SO NOBODY IS LEFT OUT"

Really? Well maybe if we could leave out the booger picker or the bully....they might get the hint that they aren't loveable!

I would have given those kids something like the above Valentine...meaning "i got my eye on you" because you are weird and I don't want a booger flicked on me!

I also remember asking for and getting the Conversation Heart Candy every year. I remember squeezing my eyes shut and asking the sugar heart gods "does (insert that week's boy crush) like me?"
I reach in and pull out the heart that would tell me the future, tell me the truth.

"not likely"

Look for a new boy to like!

When I was in Junior High
(we did not call it middle school and it was 7th - 9th grade...the way it should be!)
They sold carnations to raise money for.....
something...
anyway, On Valentine's Day, if you got a white one: friends!
If you got a yellow one: secret admirer!
If you got a pink one: like!
If you got a red one: love!

AND HECK..we were what...13...so it had to be the real thing!

I never got one.

AND I am highly suspicious that the girls that got handfuls...bought them for themselves.
I have since taught teen boys and have two of my own.
There are very few boys that are going to be willing to buy a flower and give it for all to know...to a girl they like, or are interested in liking!

I have never cared for flowers and chocolate or jewelry.

I knew I would find the perfect guy when I received a Valentine that held my "everlasting love"..

MCDONALD'S BUGERS!!!

Or Jeff!!

I love him as much as a Quarter Pounder meal!!

AND THAT IS A LOT OF LOVE!!!!

I know what I see..what do you see?

2012-02-05T15:33:00.001-06:00

When I walk into or out of a room, life goes into slow motion, a wind blows through my hair, and life is drowned out by the loud awesome theme music that follows me....mostly White Stripes music.

You all know what I am talking about..you have seen it on movies...when the tough guy is about to head into a fight..

I am so awesome, I experience this every day. My face is set in a "don't mess with me" expression and I glide in and out of my life's scenes.

AT LEAST I THOUGHT THAT IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE!

This past week has left me so tired that my grandiose vision was impaired.

I DID NOT move slow, graceful, and impressive down the hall.

I shockingly caught myself waddling from side to side, slumped in exhaustion, with my eyes ready to close in sleep and I heard the "quacking" squeeks of my shoes.

I don't know how you people live in your world. I can't wait until I am back to commanding the room like Uma Thurman...and Daft Punk plays for all to hear.

You don't follow me on facebook? Then you have missed some adventure!

2012-02-02T23:02:00.000-06:00

I almost didn't write this post because I have been updating on facebook...

BUT then I remembered my readers that DO NOT read facebook...

Two weeks ago (on Friday) Jack was given Septra for an ingrown toenail. It is an antibiotic of the Sulfa drugs.

For a whole week (while he took and finished the 7 day Septra) Jack had 104 fever, non-stop vomiting and developed a rash. The doctor said it was a "flu-like" virus.

Saturday ( a week later) I took Jack to the doctor office but saw a different doctor (the one we like). He took one look at Jack and sent us straight to LeBonheur Children's Hospital ER.

The ER triage nurse knew immediately that he was having a severe drug reaction.

The ER doctor said "this is not good". He admitted Jack and we stayed two nights.

The rash was "like a burn". Jack was burning from the inside out and he FELT IT!!!

He held the popsicle in his mouth "to cool off"!

click on the pics for a better view

He reminded me of one of my favorite children's book....Put Me In The Zoo

I actually felt like I was in a zoo in Jack's room! They have a viewing window. I thought about running up to the glass and hitting it like the zoo apes....

The way the closed curtain was positioned (while sleeping at night) I could STILL see the window, the nurses....and they could see me....creepy!

The Septra damaged Jack's liver. His liver enzymes should be 25 to 50. They started at 1430 and went down to 990. It will take awhile to recover but we are thankful the damage is not permanent!

Because of the damage, the liver did not process the tylenol that was given to him to lower his fever.

His blood count was a 1.7 (I think it is supposed to be 5?).

His sodium was really low and they were monitoring his skin. There was a possibility that it would sloth off (like a burn). Thankfully it did not!

Jack was also extremely dehydrated. He had an IV for 2 days......a lot of bags!

The doctors did a bunch of tests to monitor and check for other issues.

When we went to have an ultrasound, the transporter parked Jack (and his wheelchair) under this piece of art:

A Jackass and the definition! HILARIOUS for a children's hospital...and perfect for Jack!

(click on the pic and look close!)

We had many friends and family come visit us in the hospital! We have received loving cards, and yummy meals!

We have been told that this was VERY SERIOUS and Jack's body took a hard hit! We are thankful that things were not worse!

I knew Jack would be fine when the hospital advocate gave him this get well card. After the man left, Jack slowly picked up the card, came out of his "zombie state", and said

"he did not put money in the flap"

I want to thank everyone for their thoughts, prayers, love and help! We are rich and happy!

Jack goes February 10th to see a Hepatologist. I call her the Liver Lady. She will care for Jack and his liver!

He is to drink plenty of water!

and no medications for awhile! Mr. Liver needs a rest!

Classic MAZ goes to work

2012-01-20T22:29:00.001-06:00

A week at a glance

AS A NEW EMPLOYEE
Monday:
-attended a business lunch
-was asked to say a few words about my job and myself
-while waiting for my turn to speak...ate a piece of pizza that had spinach
time to talk...
I had no idea what I said because when I stood up to give my name, I felt the spinach leaf that was between my two front teeth.
I could not pick it out....a room of people...all eyes on me.

I could not suck it out with tongue/spit action....again....a room of people...all eyes on me.

I don't know what I said, but I was not fired, so I guess it wasn't...
"my name margaret.....I have job.....I should have had the cheese pizza.."
.....because that is all that was going through my head....standing in the room full of people....all eyes on me.

Monday afternoon:
(shhhh.... this does not go past this blog!)
-back at the office
-before I was hired, a certain lady was used to being the only female in the office (I am assuming)
-bathroom break
-I approach the restroom door
-I hear the fan on... which means the light is on
-I barely push on the door
-UNLOCKED
-I push it all the way...to walk in the one toilet bathroom...
THERE was the other female in the office

sheesh! but we are very friendly and chatty to each other now!

AS A NEW WORKING MOM
Thursday
Feeling happy about my new job and no feeling of "neglecting my children",
I go into Max's room at 10 til 6 AM to tell him "bye, I will see you tonight."

Max sleepily looks at me and says:
"aaaah, momma, I wish you didn't....

NO! I think to myself...don't say it! I want everything to be "right" about my working...

he quietly and sleepily finishes...
"I wish you didn't have to wake me up so early. Have a good day."

SWEET RELIEF!
I kissed his forehead and said, "you don't have to get up for another hour, I just wanted to tell you bye"
BIG SMILE from both of us!

AS A TEACHER

Jeff and I have been pleasantly surprised and pleased with their school work this week!

And the boys have been even happier:

Monday Night
-I hear stories of their "dance off" during their lunch break

Tuesday Night
-Jack, beaming with pride and excitement tells me that earlier in the day,
"Max had the idea to put on the life vest, backwards, and we took turns punching each other in the chest to see how hard we could hit before it hurt."
"Then we got the Nerf weapons. We stood over each other and hit each other as hard as we could. It was beast! The life vest split!"

I am so glad they are having fun, able to try things when I am not around (just like kids that go to school away from home)....

I am guessing these guys will be calling me one day...

Thursday Night
-I am thrilled with their grades for the week and their work.
-I nervously ask if they are still fine with me working everyday (leaving before they get up and coming home at dinner)....
-I cringe on the inside, waiting to hear their answer..knowing that no matter what they say....I will work anyway...
"It's great mom! We work better when you aren't here!"

hmmmm, not sure how to take that.....but I am happy!

It is oozing everywhere

2012-01-13T11:34:00.003-06:00

Jack oozes sarcasm 24 hours a day!

Here are samples of what I HAVE to read...every....day....

Student: Jack
Journal: How can you improve your physical fitness and health?

My fingers are a little weak, so I will need to exercise them. To improve my fingers' and thumbs' physical fitness, I will need to play Minecraft, MW3, and BF3. When exercising with such extreme workouts, you must be careful not to pull a ligament in your fingers or thumbs. Also, be careful not to strain your thumb muscle. If it gets to be too much, then take a break.
In order to improve my health, food wise, I need to eat more Taco Bell. Taco Bell has foods from the food pyramid. They have lettuce, tomato, onion, and potato for vegetables. They have ground beef, steak, chicken, and sometimes, shrimp for meats. For grains, they have chips, rice, and tortilla. In all, Taco Bell is good for you.

Student: Jack
Journal: Have you ever watched a plant grow?

No, I have not watched a plant grow. Would I like to watch a plant grow? Why yes, I would love to sit and stare at the ground for hours on end. I hope I can control my excitement while I wait for a tiny green thing to pop out of the ground. Sadly, I don't have the time. As soon as I have at least no plans for three days, I'll be outside, on a lawn chair, in my snuggie, waiting.

Student: Jack
Journal: What are the advantages and disadvantages to having a pet rock? (2 separate entries)

Having a pet rock has its advantages. Pet rocks are really inexpensive. Pet rocks know some really amazing tricks like holding their breath under water forever. Pet rocks also never die! Pet rocks have at least two babies every time you hit one with a hammer! Pet rocks don't make messes, poop, pee, eat, or drink. Pet rocks also come in many different kinds! Pet bolder rocks are good guard rocks. Pet gravel rocks are grumpy and rough, but fun to watch. Pet pebble rocks make good lap rocks and they love skipping across water. Pet rocks are wonderful pets!

I previously wrote about advantages to having a pet rock, but there are some disadvantages. A disadvantage to having a pet rock is you have to move them. Pet rocks don't have legs, fins, wings, or belly muscles. A disadvantage to having a pet bolder rock is that they are hard to move and they are not an indoors rock. Pet gravel rocks hurt when you sit on them or walk on them barefoot. Pet pebble rocks can be lost easy. They are also easy to swallow. One more thing, make sure your pet rock is domesticated. If your pet rock is not domesticated, it could prove deadly for you and your family.

I would love to share Jack's history paper on:
China
A person in the the Han Dynasty

It is a long, short story.
It contained the historical facts.
The main character was Chingchangchow Pow Dhindiggdy Shizzlemewizzle Shefuh Shane "but you can call me Shane".

I know exactly where Jack would spend most of his time in REAL school.
...in trouble

I will never go to Brazil for a swim!

2012-01-11T13:56:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been swimming in a pool, lake or ocean and something touches you? It clings to your arm and you flail to get it off. You move in closer, careful not to touch it and then you realize it is a band aid or piece of skin.

Well, if I am in the ocean and this happens, I usually think it is a monster trying to kill me and I put on quite a show before I realize it is just seaweed.

When I experience this in pools, I create quite the tidal wave as I try to swoosh all the surrounding water out of the pool. My family ignores me but strangers start to worry.

This act makes me feel that the pool is clean again.

Now I have a NEW worry...

I was recently reading in the Smithsonian Magazine about WHY the killer whales migrate and then spend just a short time in the subtropic waters off Uruguay and Brazil.

They have gone to the "spa"(warm waters) for a skin peel...
....killer whales shed their skin!

GAH!!

That is some major dead skin floating around in the ocean!!

I had a daymare of swimming in the ocean and then all of a sudden, I am trapped in this cloudy substance. I panic.
WHAT IS GOING ON??

I would never be the same again!

I would HAVE to peel all of my skin off....for sure!

stop spreading your nasty!

If MAZ was in the crowd....

2012-01-08T15:12:00.000-06:00

I have always been fascinated by Jesus, "the teacher".

History tells us that Jesus would teach for long periods of time.

Was ADD not a problem back then?

I have never been to or watched ANYTHING that would completely thrill or entertain me for as long as these people would sit and listen to Jesus talk.

When I study the scripture, I try to put myself in that time...

The Sermon On The Mount

Historians think that the sermon on the mount took place here.....beautiful!

This might be the very sight!

As a teacher and easily distracted person...

My mind would be wandering:

"how could I recreate that color of blue in a quilt?"

"should I sit in the grass where sheep could have possibly peed or on this rock where a scorpion or bigmongus spider could be living?"

"why did I have to pick this area to sit? I think these people missed last months bath!"

And my number one concern of every hour of the day...

"when do we eat?"

And the teaching!

....you can have more than a temporary or circumstantial feeling of happiness

WHAT? those fleeting and few moments of complete happiness that I have experienced can be forever? they can feel deeper and real?

HOW?

*those who recognize they are in need of God's help

*those who mourn their sin that led to spiritual, emotional, or financial loss

*those who do not assert themselves over others for their own personal agenda

*those who hunger and search for what is morally right, virtuous an justifiable

*those that show kindness and mercy to others

*those that pursue purity and uprightness in all areas of life

*those who promote total well being both personally and communally

*those who have been wrongfully treated because of their faith

After hearing this talk, I would might think:

"that hobo dude is looney! and these 12 hippies are ridiculous!"

I would hope that my response would have been:

Oh how wonderful to be face to face with Jesus!

I am so in love with every word coming out of his mouth, every move he made, every moment his gaze passed me....

I could sit for hours and hours...maybe even days and days...and might not feel the hunger, hear the noisy kids, smell the offensive odors, see the camels spitting, or be concerned with germs and creepy crawlies!!

Based on my current distracted quiet times

my selfish and lazy habits

and my usual opinions of "bible talkin" people...

I am afraid that Jesus could have walked right by me, go through torture and suffering, be nailed to a tree...and I might have ignored it all....

This year, ignore the worldly noise, smells, and views.

Fall in love with listening and talking to God!

My life is perfect...

2012-01-06T16:53:00.002-06:00

My life is perfect and I have pictures to prove it!!

Here is a secret to get your own perfect life....

I want you to see my perfect kids that I have loved, trained, disciplined, taught.....

with blood, sweat, and tears....

Perfect picture of the boys

before the arms moved to strangle each other and the legs started tripping each other

and words were seeping from behind gritted teeth...

This year...be quick with a camera so you can snap a moment of perfect lies!

HOTEL HORROR

2012-01-05T12:00:00.000-06:00

I am sure we all enter hotels the same way...

1. luggage containing our clothes
2. "mummy sleeping bag"

(so none of ME touches the bed, sheets, pillow, etc)

3. luggage containing the bleach, lysol, gloves, and CSI black light....

I had a great opportunity to join Jeff on one of his trial.

He gets to stay in NICE hotels.

BUT....that just means..."high priced" germs and yuck!

As Jeff was heading back to trial after New Year's...we made the LAST MINUTE decision for me to go with him.

Since I packed in 5 minutes...

I did not have time to pack my "hotel lounge wear"

THE HORROR:

After our drive and my large sweet tea, I needed to use the restroom.

Everything looked fine through my trifocals...so I did not do my magnifying glass inspection.

I used lamaze breathing and mental chants..

"everything is clean and sterile...I will be fine..."

I flushed the toilet....

The flush was so powerful, the toilet water rushed into the bowl with "fire hose" force.

I did not have time to turn around before...

I went in to shock and catatonic state......

Classic MAZ in solitude....

2012-01-03T14:13:00.001-06:00

For about 14 years, I have been wanting to set aside time, either at the end of the year or beginning of the year, to organize my thoughts, journal prayers and praises, and just to simply set my mind, heart and soul on the path that God has provided.

I have heard this suggestion/advice a million times.
"Go to the beach, sit in the quiet ocean breeze..."
or "enjoy the quiet nature of the woods...."

Last time I was at the beach.....we were having so much fun...
I forgot about carving out a "planning time"
Check out how much fun we had!

Last time I was in the woods.....

Nature was so distracting.....I did not have quiet "planning time"

God always knows what we need and when we need it!!

God provided me with a wonderful couple of days of alone and quiet time....
free from nature distractions....free from fun distractions....

He sent me to Birmingham, Alabama!!
and my only view was the "hustle and bustle" of life...

I would like to share just one of several issues that God planned for my study...

SUBMISSION

"WHAT?".....I know!

I only said the "submission" part of my wedding vows because it was hard enough to find a preacher to marry us at the airport.....

if I had said "drop that submit phrase" I think Jeff and the pastor would have put me in therapy!

HOWEVER....

I have now found freedom in submission:

*It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way...

oh ho ho!!! I like that! I need to get my own way and it is exhausting!

*Submission can free us so that we can distinguish between genuine issues and stubborn self-will...

heavy weights of years of confusion start to fall off....

*Best way to handle most matters of submission is to say nothing...

SILENCE!! key to lasting peace in most matters!

*Self-denial is the foundation for submission, it saves us from self-indulgence.....

*If you love your spouse, you will live in consideration of their needs. You will be willing to give in to them. You will be free to regard them as more important than your own needs. You will be able to regard your children as more important then your own needs!

WAIT.....

freedom

putting others first

where is the part of the definition that makes me miserable and grumpy because I HAVE to do what others want instead of what I want.....

It wasn't there....

I found that submission is an act of love....denying yourself....

Beautiful!

I may post about some of my other adventures this week:

MAZ, REPENT! means whaaaaat?

If MAZ was in the audience during the Sermon on the Mount...

How MAZ...the workaholic, busy body finds that she is LAZY.....

(submission info found in Bible.. and book, Celebration of Discipline)

There are no stupid questions......

2011-12-30T11:17:00.000-06:00

You have heard the saying "there are no stupid questions...".

Who said that? and who is spreading it around?

If you are a parent, teacher, boss....anybody that gets asked questions....
YOU have experienced the stupid questions!!

The number one stupid question in my house..
"where is _________ (fill in the blank with jack/max/dad) ?"

This might not be that stupid of a question if we had more than one level to search.
This might not be that stupid of a question if we had trap doors, spinning bookcases, or even easy access to an attic....

BUT
when I can't even lie down in the kitchen because it isn't wide enough..
(what? you don't lie down while waiting on the oven to preheat?)
when I get a glimpse of death every time I pull down the attic ladder.....
when I am 4 steps from any room in the house.....

It is not EVEN a "search" to find another member of the family!!

There ARE stupid questions AND lazy asses!

2 new hobbies and Max drops his jaw

2011-12-27T21:36:00.001-06:00

I am a dancing machine!!

If music is playing, it is all I can do to not start dancing.

I finally found a video game to which I am becoming addicted!!

Max (having a high score) begged me to "play" him in Just Dance 3.

We attempted a Brittany Spears song.

I was completely lost with the.....weird moves...

BUT THEN...

we played the Apache Jump On It by Sugar Hill Gang..

I have done that dance many times!!

Max's jaw dropped to the ground!

I blew him away with my moves (and score)...

"well, you were a cheerleader...right?"

"NO!!!!" (I was not the cheerleader type!)

"well, you did twirl the flag" (I was in the color guard for a year)

For those of you not familiar with the dance game...

You dance exactly like the dude on the game...

Kinect "sees" your every move.

Doing the EXACT moves, keeping rhythm, and keeping up with the dude earns you points!!

We also did Boogie Wonderland...

I got all my stars on that one!!!

I wasn't that great on the last few songs...

I kept going the wrong way and I was always a few steps behind.

When I accidently slapped Max (while dancing), he said..

"now you are dancing like you twirled the flag!"

You see...I was only in the color guard one year because I drove the band director crazy.

I don't know my right from my left....

the group would be twirling one way and I was always twirling the opposite!!

So if you haven't guessed...Just Dance 3 has become my new #1 hobby...

Hobby #2 (as in the title of my blog)???

WELLLLL

let me start by telling you how much I love puzzles!

I love finding the pieces and putting them in the correct space.

I love figuring out the word to answer a clue...and putting it in the correct space.

I also love tetris!! putting the different block patterns in the correct space.

So hobby #2...

spreadsheets...

I KNOW!!!

you people that are stuck behind a computer all day....doing spreadsheets..

I envy you!!

There is nothing like the feeling of taking info and putting it in the correct space and then looking at all the GREAT ORGANIZATION!!!

HEY!!! I wonder if I could organize my dance moves and songs into a spreadsheet??

or chores

or dinner ideas

or arguments with Jeff

or grocery list

or.....

A Christmas Visit....

2011-12-23T23:28:00.002-06:00

We were so excited to take a non traditional Christmas vacation!!

We have counted down the days til we could go to Nashville to see......

NO....not Cooter's Dukes of Hazard Museum

...although it was free....and weird! I was intrigued!!

so was Jeff.....

(kidding...the pic was my idea)

YES....we were there for a Ziegenhorn family reunion....

cousin (not a brother), brother, Jeff, brother

Jack and Max are growing their hair long....while they can!

HOWEVER....even though we have a blast with all the cousins and their kids...

...that STILL wasn't OUR most exciting reason...

Around 30 of us gathered at the Wild Horse Saloon for dinner, dancing, pool, air hockey, etc...

Since we are obviously the best line dancers in the world...and I have the best fashion sense,

I believe we will be asked to go professional!!

I had a blast singing "I wanna be sedated" (Ramones) at the original Grand Ole Opry....

but even THAT wasn't the most exciting reason for our visit....

Spending a ton of money to see colorful Disney Ice sculptures IN NASHVILLE and sliding down a 20 foot ice slide was a once in a lifetime experience......

BUT...still not the most exciting reason for our visit...

We loved our 3 fun filled days in Nashville...and love each of the reunited family members...

THE MOST EXCITING???

....we were thrilled to be able to finally meet and hold our new nephew...

Kidd Ziegenhorn!!

Kidd was so much fun!! and so cute!! He loved his Tennessee cousins!!!

I thought I might be forming an AUNT MARGARET bond, but then he opened our Christmas gift

With this look he was able to communicate:

"....really?...clothes for Christmas?....did they even win a game this year?"

I whispered to him that it was Uncle Jeff that insisted on the Memphis jersey....I would have bought him a drum set...or pony....

He forgave me and shot me a smile!

As I settled down to sleep in my in-laws attic...(not in Nashville anymore)

I thought about Christmas.

I looked out of my sleeping bag...

WOW! A visit from the Christmas Angel!!....

THEN I heard a sudden noise and looked to my left....

Adam Sandler?

You never know what you will find in someone's attic...

Adam Sandler....Waterboy...

Then I drifted off to sleep with quotes from Adam Sandler movies dancing in my head.....

again, Merry Christmas....

2011-12-19T21:08:00.001-06:00

This is for my family....

Thank you for putting up with me.....especially during the holidays!

I found a way to show you the joy that I just can't seem to express during the holiday season!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Watch out for the driver taking pics!

2011-12-18T13:20:00.001-06:00

(some of you have not figured it out yet: click on pics to see better)

Last week, I added some more excitement to my life. Jeff and my closest friends are starting to think I have a real problem.....

needing to rearrange my house and tear down walls or tear up floors.

Since I couldn't keep myself busy enough with teaching.....

I started "working".

I don't have a permanent job..... yet. I am just doing contract work.

Last week was SOOOO exciting and fun!!

I want to share a little of my adventure with you!!

As you all know, Jeff and I have had one car for about a year.

It has not really been a problem...with him traveling and me home schooling...

We plan to get another car once I am permanently working.....

Jeff wants a truck. I would rather have a smart car....boys can run along behind us..

Since Jeff will probably win this argument.....I found a truck I would love.....

(please click on music below for awesome viewing of the above pic)

We had a few EARLY mornings last week....taking Jeff to work before the city woke....

We got behind a construction worker and I was amused by his license plate "ZZZZZ".

He was warning me "when you are out and driving around town at 6am......you will be in a sleep state by 6:30pm!"

On one adventure, I saw this next item and instantly thought of my sister, Polly!

I might have offered the man some money so that I could give her this for Christmas....

BUT she doesn't find "gas" as humorous as I do....

I love it when I pass buses and all the kids look "thrilled". They are staring out the windows like they are in jail....

After seeing the message on the back of the bus, I was confused at how sad they looked. They were headed to college! I thought I was young when I started college at 17yrs.....

They must have not realized that they would be through before they turned 12!

I was not able to get a pic of the last thing that interested me this week...

A boy of about the age of 8 or 9 was shopping with his parents in Target.

He was dressed as an elf.

The overly grown young boy looked exactly like this!.......poor kid!

Sometimes I worry about my kids.....I don't want people to look at my boys and say

"poor kids"...

Now that I plan to work AND home school.....I worried that two working parents could not pull off home schooling...

We went to see one of Max's doctors this week. Both her and her husband work...AND home school their kids!

If doctors can do it...so can we...

Then I worried that my kids would be "neglected" without "momma" nagging them through every moment of life (ha ha).....

I took a pic of my FABULOUS kids before church this morning....

They are definitely independent individuals and are gonna be FINE!

This is my last post until after Christmas!!
Merry Christmas and if I don't come back soon...

Happy New Year!!

say WHAT??

2011-12-06T12:58:00.001-06:00

Reader's Digest posted "12 Funny Things Your Christmas Tree Says About You" HERE

I included the link to give credit where it is due...but I am also stealing it to make the following post easier on my readers...

Reader's Digest has given us information to find what our Christmas tree says about us....

#1 White lights say "you ask your guests to take their shoes off"

(and..."I consider my tree to be a lamp")

My yellow lights on my kitchen Christmas tree say "I love butter"

#2 Multicolored lights say "you are an extrovert"

(the fake snow says "ridiculous!")

My VERY FEW mulitcolored star lights on my living room Christmas tree...
say "I am an outgoing person...as long as there aren't any other people around!"

(yes, that is the camel from our nativity...there was no room for him at the stable...)

#3 Blinking lights say "you have attention deficit disorder"

um...no it doesn't!! blinking lights say "I don't want guests to stay too long or get comfortable"

#4 Homemade ornaments say "you have lots of kids"

HA! well....compared to the PERFECT ornament above...

mine say "I have two kids that may have issues....and are against the colors of the rainbow..."

#5 Strung popcorn say "you have too much time on your hands"

REALLY? then what does this say?

#6 Red balls only say "you wish you lived in a department store"

(and I bet your decorations have a theme...HA)

Mine say "dance when the sun hits just right!"

#7 Yellow star on top says "you are traditional"

and you live in Hollywood...

My yellow star says "Hey shepherds, follow me!"

#8 Glowing Santa on top says "you shop at Kitsch R Us"

I want one of these!!

Two fabulous sculptures on top say "one-of-a-kind"

The last 4 don't really apply to me.....(we can't have a live tree)
#9 Cutoff top says "you didn't measure the tree"

(this should never matter....haven't you see Christmas Vacation?)

#10 Vague evergreen smell says "you bought a healthy tree"

(animal spray smell says "you bought something's property"

#11 Strong evergreen smell says "you sprayed your tree with Pine Sol"

( and it says you are old and the Pine Sol doesn't mix well with the moth balls)

#12 Just plain smelly says "there is a dead bird in your tree"

more likely...."you tracked something in from the yard"

The one on the top:

I call "quaint, primitive look"

Jack calls it "the burnt tree"

The one on the bottom:

Kids say "bigger circumference to pile presents"

I say "I can't see the TV!"

Classic MAZ vs. Elf on the Shelf

2011-12-05T13:18:00.001-06:00

I had never heard of Elf On The Shelf until about 2 years ago.

My friends were talking about this ELF that does something every night from December 1st until Christmas. Some people even talked about their ELF leaving gifts for the children.

Well, I immediately was relieved that we didn't know about this "Christmas Tradition".

We definitely did not need another gift giving tradition or another "something" that does something for the kids to find when they wake up!!

The boys were "old" enough that I did not need to worry if I should start this tradition to keep up with other families.....NOT GONNA DO IT...

BUT....

A couple of days ago, a friend of mine was telling about her kid being slightly disturbed about an ELF moving around the house at night.

"BING" "BING" "BING" "BING"

A creepy ELF!!??!!

Now THAT is a Christmas tradition that I could enjoy!!!

When I got home I went straight to my elf sitting in my tree. He has been in my tree or packed in the attic my entire life! I think he is about 40 years old....or more!

I stared at him and said aloud "you look like those other elves...I wonder why you were never a tradition in my house...."

"HA HA....I HAVE BEEN A PART OF YOUR CHRISTMAS YOUR WHOLE LIFE"

I was shocked!

"listen here ELF..."

"My name is Elwood....ruler of all the elves."

He told me exactly how he had been a part of my Christmas traditions....

"I am the reason Max is out of candy before Jack is. I eat some of Max's stash at night."

"I get help when I need to hide the remote at night so I can silently laugh at you trying to find it the next day!"

"I was so happy this season when I realized you had bought new socks for Max. I was running out of socks to steal!"

"My favorite days are when you are nagging the boys to rinse the toothpaste out of the sink that I squirted in there the night before."

"When I am tired and can't be that creative, I can always be sure you will fuss at the boys for leaving the cereal box open!"

"It can be dangerous, but if you guys go to bed early enough....I can open a couple of cabinet doors!"

"Last year was great! You were trying to drink one glass of sweet tea per day. You really enjoyed sipping on that one glass...ha ha....I would sneak and drink half of it to leave you wondering how you drank your tea so fast without realizing!"

I could not believe it! I had the ruler of all the Elves on the Shelves!!

I told Elwood that he was welcome to do whatever he wanted to Jack and Max....

the creepier the better!

I had one rule:

Don't mess with me!

He agreed. Over the next few days, I enjoyed his work!

Jack found him in his bed....with a prize

One night, Jack found him playing poker....

he must have moved the party to the pantry...Max found him the next morning!

I found him stealing Jack's pop gun that Jack won at his Christmas party.

I had to get on to Elwood for messing up our advent boxes...I worked hard on those tiny surprises!

I found Elwood making a list last night.

I was thrilled to have a creepy elf in my home. This was going to be so much fun!!

BUT THEN.....

ELWOOD!!!

my hair doesn't need anymore help looking crazy!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS.......watch out for Elwood's friends!

My sacrifice led to her being a model.....

2011-12-04T17:32:00.001-06:00

I knew at an early age that I could crush the opportunities of everyone in my family.

I did not want my family to miss out on talent, smarts or beauty....
....so I sacrificed my perfection for their future.

I decided to stay short.
I decided to grow hair that would never be tamed.
I decided to wear sweats, t-shirts and jeans...daily....
which would eventually blind me to all fashion sense.

I decided to be happy doing the minimum amount to finish EVERYTHING...

My niece, Nicole, can thank me now...

She is appearing in the December/January issue of Justine Magazine.....GO BUY IT!

(that is not her on the front)

THIS is my beautiful niece!

As I was purchasing my items at Target, the checkerouterlady asked "are you buying the magazine?"

"YES! My niece is in it!" I said excitedly.

But perhaps too excitedly because my outburst earned me a look that you would give a scary, crazy talking, homeless person in a dark alley.

"otherwise, I wouldn't be buying a TEEN magazine",

the words unfortunately kept diarrheaing out of my mouth....

I turned to the shopper in line behind me..hoping for a smile...

SHE was buying 3 teen magazines....sigh

I finally shut up. HOWEVER, I wanted to tell them how my 17 year old niece is so thoughtful, a really great cousin to my two sons, a smart, mature girl that has a heart for missions, SUPER funny...and gorgeous....

I wanted to open the magazine and show everyone around me all the pages that she "owned" with her brilliance! BUT...it was raining and cold and I did not want to post about me being escorted out of Target......not this time.

As I thumbed through the magazine, I saw a story on the "One And Only Queen".

"huh, Nicole must have told them about her favorite aunt.....me", I thought...

I read further..
..."you are pretty stiff, pretty uptight".....
..."controling"....

My heart began to beat faster as I searched for my name...or my picture....

WHAT??? dern, they were talking about queen latifah.....

THANK YOU SECRET SANTA!!

2011-12-03T09:28:00.001-06:00

I won the jackpot at our Christmas Party! We played secret Santa and the package I chose contained this:
Peeramid bookrest

I have already found a million wonderful uses!
I did not want the entire "me" to be in the pictures....the camera adds 20 pounds!
Or my eating habits....I forget the saying...

ANYWAY, I wanted you to have proof that it is ME in the pictures so I included my feet!
(reference to a section in previous post HERE)

FIRST, I immediately enjoyed the gift when I read a bedtime story to the kids.

Sweet dreams!

I don't have an ipad, but I am learning how to use it when blogging....
I am sure I will eventually get used to hanging my head off the couch in order to see the screen!

I was reading some material to prepare myself for going back to work. I no longer have to find a place for my drink and snacks! They balance on the edge perfectly!

When I have been very busy throughout the day, I often try a stress release activity by the time dinner rolls around. I can now "release stress" WHILE cooking!!

I LOVE using it to hide my great hand in Solitaire POKER!!

I am so thankful that I did not choose the gifts that contained the Starbuck's Gift Card or the Christmas Story Leg Lamp Nightlight.

The Peeramid has truly made my life more relaxing!!

THANK YOU SECRET SANTA!!

I don't have a problem......do you?

2011-11-30T11:16:00.001-06:00

I am not a "sweet" person.

WAIT!! that is not nice...I heard all the readers mumbling in agreement....

I am not talking about my personality....thank you very much!

I am talking about taste preference. I would rather have salty than sweet.

I rarely crave candy.

BUT....in the past few years, around the holiday times...I have started getting hooked on one candy.

Last year it was the M&Ms with pretzels inside.

Another year it was Nerds.

Another year it was sour gummies.

This year....

Tootsie Roll Pops!

I have developed the habit of enjoying a Tootsie Roll Pop while I am working.....

And lately.... I have been busy...

This makes me feel like I am Comet in a scene from the movie Santa Clause 2.

It is at the end of this clip:

(fast forward to about 2:03)

Black Friday

2011-11-27T15:42:00.001-06:00

I am not a shopper.

If I don't have a specific thing to buy or money to spend, then I find shopping to be a frustrating experience.

EXCEPT the time between Black Friday and Christmas Eve!

I love to be right in the middle of all the holiday shopping!

WHY?

I love to observe human behaviors.

I love to watch the "Christmas spirit" bring out the interesting behaviors in every person!

(stolen pic)

YOUNG MOMS

I observed a mother in Target this afternoon. She had her young son in the cart and she was placing "secret Christmas items" underneath the cart.

Mom: "look at those cookies!"

Son turns away from mom to look where mom is pointing.

Mom blindly grabs an item and slings it under the cart while her gaze is on her son. Then inevitably she has to buy the cookies that she pointed out because NOW her son is whining for them.

FAIL...

I wondered if she grabbed the right item. She looked at me with panic in her eyes. I smiled and laughed to myself. It must be her first kid. By her second, she will just be buying Christmas right under their noses without any fake distractions or worry! If my kids ever SAW what I was putting in the basket and actually paid attention, they never thought it was for them. I never bought them anything while out shopping!

THE COUPLES

I love seeing the dating couple or young marrieds shop together.

The man is either pretending to be interested because he is unsure of their commitment level, or he is naively showing his boredom NEAR the lady.

(stolen pic)

I know when I have found a "seasoned" couple because the man is reading a book at the front of the store (prepared before the trip) and the woman is not in sight!

(stolen pic)

CONVERSATIONS

As I stroll through the store calm and happy, I hear the conversations from random shoppers.

Mother yelling at her preteen:

"I'm tired of you asking for things everywhere you go! Don't you know it is about damn time for Christmas?"--NICE!

Grumpy old man that apparently forgot his book:

"Why would you spend ten dollars more for the name brand? The kid will never know the difference if you just get this one!"

They were looking at the Disney Cars and he picked up a Matchbox car.

The woman jerked the Matchbox car out of his hand and threw it on the shelf and loaded the cart with Disney Cars. The man swore under his breath, made a comment about her IQ and walked to the next aisle. --MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HUSTLE AND BUSTLE

The other day, we were driving in the worst area to travel in Memphis (near the mall) and I saw some heads bobbing to music. I thought "they are having a fun shopping day".

I looked to see if they had a religious bumper sticker.

(my pics)

Readers, I want you to remember that if Lord Vader can be happy while shopping at Christmas time, then so can you!

Be of cheer this season! Jesus did not come for toys and clothes. He came for YOU!!

The MAZenheim Museum

2011-11-18T13:44:00.001-06:00

This post is mostly for our artistic family members that do not live near us.

Max had is own blog MAX ART....but google kicked him off the blog, email and some games because he wasn't 13 yet. I want Max to continue to share his art through my blog.

The art project for October was a study on the artists, Seurat and Signac.
(pointillism, neo-impressionism)

George Seurat

Or you might know him for...

George Seurat

A Sunday Afternoon at La Jatte

Paul Signac

Using a hole puncher, construction paper and printfoam board with adhesive back, Max created the above picture. He chose this subject because both artists were influenced by the boats and dock scenes of France.

The art project for November was a study on the artist, Joan Miro. Much of his art was "kid-like".

Joan Miro

Using various sizes of chenille stems and a plastic canvas, Max created two works in one!

Look closely. There is a yellow monster with a pink tail that is after a purple man.

Look again! The entire work is a face.

(also notice his sign and date)

Max has always loved crafts/art projects, but lately he has had an art addiction!

One day after school, Max decided he wanted a giant fall tree in his room. Using paper towel rolls, duct tape, a fast food drink carrier, rocks (for sturdiness in the base) and every single one of my hot glue sticks (gritting teeth).....Max created this tree:

He was going to carve an owl out of soap and make colorful leaves out of construction paper....but he decided he liked the "winter" look.

Another day, Max painted this huge picture of Bellatrix (and her wand) from Harry Potter. He says he will be making giant paintings of Harry, Voldermort, and more....

Max's above painting was straight from his head/thoughts....I was looking for a photo for those of you not familiar with Harry Potter characters.....He did a good job!!

As you can imagine...my house has become quite the art museum with Jack and Max's creations!

I love it!!

One of my dining room walls...

another dining room wall...

another dining room wall

a wall in my bedroom...

a bulletin board in my office area....

That concludes your visual tour of The MAZenheim Museum!

Sewing in circles...

2011-11-13T15:37:00.001-06:00

Last Sunday afternoon was quiet, boring, long and dreary....

The boys were occupied with their entertainment and Jeff was out of town.
I decided to sew a quick, small project to pass the time.

One hour later, I caught myself planning and creating a fun, Sunday afternoon project!

FOUR hours later, I realized I had created a "more than Sunday" project...

Mistake #1: I did not create a project for the sewing machine.

Mistake #2: For creative purposes (ha ha ha..makes me laugh to think I have creative purposes), I needed to sew each piece by hand!

Mistake #3: I am in the middle of going back to work, organizing the boys academics to be more independent (because I won't be home all day), and beginning to plan Kids Mission (a semi-big event at my church).

Exactly one week later, I finished the project!!

To sew each piece together, I ended up sitting on a stool, hunched over my bed and sewing about 3 to 4 hours every day for a.......

table cover....

a unique, one-of-a-kind, crazy table cover

I used scraps of what I already had and moved the circles around in different placements until I was satisfied with the colors and pattern....

When I placed it on the table this afternoon, I smiled with pride....

and then my face fell!

That white circle doesn't work!

problem solved!

Some of you may have caught in the beginning of this post that I am going back to work.

I will write more about that one day but for now I will share that I have a few leads that I am very interested in pursuing. Some of you may or may not understand when I say "I felt led...or just knew.." that it is time for me to go back to work!

To answer a few questions:

*No, it is not out of "desperation" for money...however, the extra income will be helpful!

*No, I am not sending my kids to school (yet..ha ha). We will continue to home school. That should add more blog material....me working AND teaching the boys at home! It can be done. We won't be following a traditional daily school schedule.

*Yes, it is a good thing! I feel excitement and peace!

*Yes, I will continue my blog...I have always written it for me..like a diary! I just share it with the world!

3/365, 1/2 of 3/4...and a future mechanic..

2011-11-09T16:54:00.000-06:00

I noticed a trend/fad on facebook over the summer.

Pictures of feet on the beach or by a pool.

About 3/4ths of my "facebook friends" went to the beach this summer.

1/2 of those people took a picture of their feet at the beach (or by a pool).

I found this strange, but then realized...if you are by yourself and want a picture for evidence...of being at a beach or pool....then logically, you take a picture of your feet! Everybody knows the toes....right?

I would never do that.

TMI time.....I brought home a souvenir from my swim class at the UofM.....

I am officially/medically an athelete!

I want to prove that I was enjoying my backyard today.....

Now you know!

There are about 3 perfect days out of 365 that I can enjoy my backyard...

Free of heat and mosquitoes....and no freezing!

I took time to enjoy God's creation (rare for me).

I laid my head back while I gently rocked the swing....

I enjoyed the slight chill in the air and decided to practice the discipline of being silent....

WHAT?

HUH?

I CAN'T HEAR THE SILENCE.......

I sat up and enjoyed the roar of the military plane flying over my house, the 4 trains alerting drivers as they crossed intersections, and the 7 leaf blowers maintaining the condos across the street......

As I sewed and swung..I noticed Max was quietly working on something...

Apparently his Hummer from his 3rd or 4th Christmas was broken down.

He has not played with it in about 5 or 6 years.

I watched him and realized he inherited his father's passion for fixing/taking things apart.

I got a glimpse of Max as a car owner with Jeff's philosophy...

"I can fix it or make it better!"

Too bad you can't do this to a real car!

Max spent about 3 hours working on his car. It won't work on battery anymore.

The plan:

saw out the bottom and make it a "flintstone" powered car.

If any kid can do it, Max can!

All your "needs" in a shoe box....

2011-11-07T09:26:00.001-06:00

Think of items that you NEED....

Maybe I should give you some time to discuss, think, and list what your NEEDS truly are...

Excluding shelter, could you fit life's necessities in a shoe box???

What about this....could you fit an EXCELLENT Christmas in a shoe box?
(no liquids, nothing that melts, no perishables, no money!)

My box?
I would hope to receive.......
cozy socks (the fuzzy holiday kind)
a book
hmmmmm
kitchen towels?

It is really hard to come up with stuff....and none of mine were necessities!

Our church's Children Ministry does about 4 to 5 mission projects every year.
My favorite is the Christmas Shoe Box project for Operation Christmas Child (through Samaritan's Purse). If you haven't heard of it or want more info go to their website HERE.

The boxes are going to kids that are praying for pencils so they can do their school work. Soap, washcloth, toothpaste and toothbrushes are a luxury. The children and their families are happy to see the arrival of the boxes and the volunteers that bring the message of God's love for them!

I have learned over the past few years of being involved with different ministries that I am not really needed! God can take care of us and His Will will be done! My purpose is to glorify God. When we organize mission projects, participate, give, volunteer, etc....we are bringing glory to God, his love, his name!!!

I love passing this message on to our children!
They have enjoyed the projects.

Last year we filled about 60 boxes.

This year we filled about 150. (I have not done the final count yet!)

I am so thankful to be a part of a loving and giving church family!
I am overwhelmed at the response and thought that these kids put into this project!!

empty boxes ready to be "Christmas" to a little kid somewhere in this world

soap, washcloths, toothpaste, toothbrushes, combs, small toys, pencils, crayons, coloring books, hard candy, flashlights (with extra batteries)....separated and ready to be packed!

the kids thoughtfully packing each box for an unknown child

I loved watching them take their time picking out a color of comb, style of sock, variety of candy!

making decisions of how to best pack the box to fit more toys

really working hard to stuff as much as they could into a box as they thought about each kid receiving the box

For some of you, this might be painful...but this holiday season...try to teach yourself and your children about NEEDS and WANTS. You may think that it would be sad for your child if they did not get what is on their Christmas list.

NOT TRUE!! I know from experience that your children will receive a different and better feeling if they give up some of their WANTS to be able to give to someone else!!

Check your city's ministries! Give toys and coats to those who NEED them!

Check out the above link and pack a box!!

Make this Holiday Season FANTASTIC!!

Give away Christmas !!

What is up with Jeff's face?

2011-11-03T16:01:00.001-05:00

I am sorry single ladies...I stole the most handsome man in the world back in 1995...you all will just have to settle!!

I love full beards and especially on my handsome Jeff!!

His hair has successfully migrated from the top of his head to his face.....hubba hubba!!

HOT!!

Jeff is not only handsome BUT also very giving!!

He gave up his MANLY beard for Su Casa Family Ministries!

Su Casa is holding its First Annual Ask Me About My Stache Fundraiser!

You can find out all the details and rules...HERE

Just follow the link and click on the icon!

When someone asks the man about his stache...he is to tell them about Su Casa and ask for a donation toward his "growing stache".

If the man gets $500 or more, he is in The Selleck Society!

EVERYBODY....ask Jeff about his face!

Donate to Su Casa....join in the fun!

You can ask him on facebook, email or by phone if you don't see him around town!

You can easily donate on line (the above link) or write a check!

(easier ways to get your donation tax thingy)

Help Jeff reach Selleck Status.....and support a great ministry!

You are welcome to share this blog post or the Su Casa link!

Want to see travel pics? mwhahahaha

2011-11-01T23:51:00.000-05:00

Pretend I have shown up at your house with my slide carousel, projector, popcorn and sodas..

Showing travel pics is never as much fun for the viewers as it is for the "traveler" as they narrate and flip through the pics...

So I am going to have fun and you are going to pretend not to be bored.....

The Boys And I Go On A Halloween Vacation

I packed the car, stopped for a quick orthodontist appointment for Jack, picked up some drinks and then began our road trip...our destination was an hour and a half away!

We headed out of Memphis, past the Lakeland exit..

up next..Somerville exits....

DEAD STOP! For the next 45 minutes, we crept..stopped...crept....

After a long 2 1/2 hour drive, loud music, bad headache.....We finally arrived at my in-laws house!

The boys immediately started fighting....

Me: "GIRLS! stop it!"

Jack: "hey, take our picture standing in that stupid pose the girls do in their pictures..."

Pay attention females....it IS a stupid pose! For heaven's sake...who started the "I have to pee" pose?

Fabulous, fantastic, fun filled four day of fallmania!

Max went to the "wooden playground"

Jack stayed home (he is still energy disabled)

The boys carved pumpkins!

Jack and Jack-o-lantern

Max!

The boys do a great job on pumpkins every year!

(I am so glad they are old enough to do it with NO HELP)

We went to a corn maze/farm festival...

At first, I thought "oops, this is for little kids!"

When most teens (12 and 14) would be sullen, pouty, or mopey in a "kiddie" area..
These wonderful boys created their own fun!

It payed off! We entered the "all age" fun!

Jumping in the cotton!

running across tractor tires!

Corn maze with a "game twist"

"hay ride" in an enormous cotton trailer

feeding farm animals

The picture does not do this goat justice!! It's hair looked like a toupee and it also had a goatee!

The boys want me to get this giant tube for our back yard! What is it called? and where can I get one!

Max enjoyed the "hay jump" and the "adult safe" slide (in the background)

Jack did one "hay jump" but by this time...his energy was gone

everybody say "awww poor jack!"

We had a great time with Gran and Pop Pop!

And...for the real reason we came???

First Baptist Trenton's Trunk or Treat

The boys have enjoyed this year after year!!

They usually plan and create an awesome costume that makes everybody stop and look at them.

This year, Jack feared he may not feel like it so he chose this "zip hoodie" and Max joined him!

Everybody STILL stopped to look at them!

They looked awesome...especially after dark!

Max sat very still and most people thought he wasn't real...then he would move his head a tad and the kids would jump!

Jack handed out candy and some kids were too afraid to get the candy from him!

What? Where was Jeff?

My poor husband spent the last week working hard on a trial in St. Louis....

I hate that we have fun while he works such long hours and misses out on life for weeks at a time...stuck behind a computer.....creating graphics.....never getting out.....

hmmmmm....

congrats to the Cards!! #1

(no, he did not attend the game...watched it in his hotel room BESIDE the stadium...then joined the party!)

Chef Max!!

2011-10-27T21:43:00.000-05:00

I have not cooked a meal this week!!

It has been so nice to have a personal chef all week.
He planned the meals.
He cooked the meals.
AND he cleaned up the kitchen after each meal!!
(Jack helped clean)

Meet Chef Max!
He loves to cook and create.

The first night we had Munch-A-Monster and Purple Cows. Max made pizza dough from scratch!

(I have never done that!)

He created a "monster" for each of us!

This is my "monster" pizza and purple cow in our scary skull cup!

This is Jeff's "monster" pizza. The one on the right looks like "perry the platypus"!

The next night Max made Blood And Guts with fresh chopped onion and carrots.

I put toenail flakes on top of mine (parmesan cheese).

For dessert, we had dead hand with nerves and veins.

(frozen jello/twizzlers)

Max asked me to make him an apron. I had a hard time creating an apron (with felt) that didn't look girly!

I made it like a tool apron with fire and goo coming out of the pockets!

The last night we had Axe Man's Fingers and Yetti Foot. Max invited my mom and dad to join us!

Axe Man's fingers

(hot dogs with radish for finger nails)

Yetti Foot

(mash potatoes, cheese....and Max added Rendezvous seasoning)

My dinner plate...

Expect to see him on Food Network someday!!!

The food really was delicious! I have never really taught the boys to cook or anything...

(I can barely do it myself!)

Max did EVERYTHING on his own....and MUCH BETTER than I could ever do!!

I think I have my own personal chef!

WOO HOO!!

Many faces of MAZ

2011-10-25T15:53:00.001-05:00

I had to take Jack back to the doctor today.
I REALLY did not want to take him.
I REALLY did not want to have to answer all the same questions.
I REALLY did not want to do what we already did with Max for four months.

But....because of his "hard to breathe" complaints....I did not want to let it go and it end up being pneumonia or something.

The room has a giant mirror on one wall. The doctor always knocks and opens the door slowly. This causes the doctor to look at our reflection in the mirror and us look at him through the mirror, when we greet him. All the doctors do it. It is strange and comical to me.

The doctor slowly opens the door with a polite smile on his face. Then he sees Jack in the mirror.
His face changes.
"Oh, Jack! You are still feeling bad?"

I am prepared to answer back all the "usual" with:
*no! you are wrong! there is no way that a kid with this illness could go to school or do regular activity!
*no! it is not a sinus infection that we should "wait another week"

BUT...the doctor popped my "frustration" bubble with

"WOW, he is so pale. He is definitely sick."
and then he sits in front of Jack with a worried/concerned look on his face....

I think we really need to do more tests to make sure it isn't......
....(list of things we ALREADY found Max did NOT have)

In his questioning and discussion, I was able to politely tell the doctor all that I was making Jack do while he feels bad and say..
"and there is no way that a kid with this illness could do regular activities and/or GO to school"

The doctor responded "ok...yea....no! I see that!"
"He needs to just be resting and staying hydrated...."

WHAT????

I felt my "angry me" taking over...
my hair began to rise...my eyes began to widen...
I think I might have even started to hover in mid air..

I was about to say "YOU TOLD ME TO MAKE HIM GO TO SCHOOL AND DO REGULAR ACTIVITIES EVEN WHEN I KNEW THAT HE COULDN'T AND IT WAS THE SAME THING MAX WENT THROUGH AND..."

Fortunately the doctor kept on talking about how sick Jack looked....things we needed to rule out EVEN THOUGH we ruled it out with Max...for safety with Jack, we needed to still test him.....

I slowly cooled back down.

We did the blood work.

We found that it is NOT anemia and next week the other test should also tell us what it is NOT......

I am fine if we never find what it is...as long as Jack gets well and they both never get it again!!

JUST DON'T TELL ME TO SEND THEM TO SCHOOL AND MAKE THEM DO REGULAR ACTIVITIES.....ever....... again...........ever!

Why do I teach my kids at home?

2011-10-24T13:04:00.005-05:00

Why do I teach my kids at home?

I have NO idea.....can't really give a good reason.....

I just want to use my degree to teach them myself

(and not make any money.....hmmmm, maybe I should rethink this...)

BUT because I do teach them at home, we have discovered MANY "pros"!!

When daddy is in town, he can take them camping DURING the week and not on a weekend with EVERYONE else!!

(this trip was Jeff and Max one-on-one time)

putting up the tent....on his own

made a fire...on his own

cooking breakfast he planned....on his own.....it is a poptart HA HA!!

excellent fun and adventures!

AND when that week's science project said "using cement and bait food, try to get impressions of animal tracks in your backyard (which will probably be raccoon, opossum, cat or dog...)

We can alter the project when....on the camping trip....

"natural bait food" is provided....

and you find

AWESOME bobcat tracks!!!

AND....when you are in the back room..... sewing.....
thinking that they are working hard on their school work...

They are actually watching The Today Show, starring Martha Stewart and her "halloween ideas".
SOOOO, later they can "create" what they learned.... ON TV and not in their grammar book.

Martha's project: freezing water with food coloring in latex glove

There are many "cons" to teaching kids at home...

One is socialization, being around people that are NOT family!

We solved that!

Teach them to run FAST....and find friends anywhere.....like a corn field.....

That is normal...right?

*for you serious people....that is a friend in the above picture....

we don't really chase down strangers.....that is something a "homeschooler" would do!

MAZ thoughts on weddings

2011-10-20T18:25:00.000-05:00

Last night, I watched Bridesmaids on Netflix.
I can not recommend this movie because it is laced with raunchy!
BUT I laughed so hard I quit breathing and was cry/laughing during one scene.

I had planned to tell you the "original reason for weddings".
I was under the impression that a long, long time ago....people were simple and practical and held wedding ceremonies before God, family and friends.

I thought I would find many resources to support my "thoughts" on this.
My thoughts:
People planned long ceremonies because friends and family traveled to the town, bringing practical and useful gifts to help the young couple start their lives together....
There was a ton of food (brought by others) to feed the friends and family....
Everyone came for a "barn raising" for the couple.

I had planned to write about the differences of THEN and NOW:

THEN people brought what was needed...new quilts, linens, kitchen supplies, etc.

NOW the couple tell people what to buy and where to buy it....and they are usually NOT practical...

THEN people ate "pot luck"...yummy food brought by everyone...

NOW the couple spends a load of money on fancy food and giant decorated cakes...

THEN people came to unite a young couple just starting their life together...

NOW....well frankly...most couples have already started a life together...they are just making it legal...

HOWEVER.....when I started "searching"...I could not find much to support my thoughts...

I DID find something interesting!

*Brides spend a fortune on a wedding cake BUT..

The origin of the tiered wedding cake also lies in Anglo-Saxon times. Guests would bring small cakes to the wedding and stack them on top of each other. Later, a clever French baker created a cake in the shape of the small cakes and covered it in frosting. It is now known as the tiered cake.

*Brides carefully choose their closest friends for bridesmaids BUT...

The bridal party is a tradition that has been established for many centuries. For a long time the purpose of the bridal party was to fool evil spirits. The bride's friends dressed similarly to her in order to confuse any virulent presences that might be lurking about.

SOOO, it wasn't quite and honor....more of a "hope evil gets YOU before ME (the bride)"

Well, I will end with my original idea/thought that sparked this post...

If (as a bride) you feel the need to ask your parents to spend their hard earned money (or even spend your own) on less than 24 hours...

....you are planning what you think are fashionable dresses but will always end up looking ridiculous

....you are planning an after celebration that is cheesy

yes! no matter what you say...receptions end up cheesy parties

(that is why most have alcohol..to get those like me through the event..and to give an excuse for the attention seekers)

....you have bought into the new fad of choreographed wedding party dances

I have finally found a wedding that I like!

The wedding at the end of the Bridesmaids movie!

*hideous fashion

*wedding party standing on flooring in a pool to look like they are standing on water

*laser light show in waterfall back drop

*obnoxious fireworks behind wedding party

*and the best of all.....

Wilson, Phillips singing a cheesy song!

Hey, if you are not going to do us all a favor and elope (with parental consent)...

You have got to make it worth ME putting on a dress!!

OH! and please order THIS kind of cake!!!

cakewrecks.com

Please remember this blog is sarcastic....don't send me any grumpy messages...or I will post why I hated your wedding! HA!!

A Time To Sew.......

2011-10-19T15:44:00.001-05:00

I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I get the addiction of sewing.....from October to December!!

I sew "junk".....nothing worth selling or giving away.....AND most of the time, it isn't even something I would use!!

Now that I am living on the edge....using a sewing machine.....I am able to make MORE of the JUNK!!

Here are my latest creations for Halloween!

Our kitchen table.....

My chair........"the witch"

Our house ghost's chair.........."scary eyes"

Jack's chair..........."vampire bat"

(Jack picked colors and "bat")

Max's chair........."halloween owl"

(Max picked colors and "owl")

Jeff's chair.........."monster"

YIKES....now the dining area is "crafty" enough to be scary..................Happy Halloween!!

Celebration of life!!

2011-10-14T10:59:00.002-05:00

I know! We all celebrate birthdays in the same way...right??

Touring the cemetery?....yes!...I knew it was normal!

(my thanks to my sister for introducing me to a great place in Memphis on my birthday..last year!)

Yesterday, we grabbed up some Krystal burgers (and Taco Bell for Jack...of course) and headed to spend a beautiful day at the Memphis Elmwood Cemetery!

You must go!! Such interesting stories and wonderful history!!

We took the car tour with the audio CD because Jack is still sick. He was resting comfortably in the back....

HEY! It is my day...sorry you are sick...but we are celebrating!!

Jack took this picture!

Max was full of energy....he kept leaping out of the car and Jeff kept pulling away when he would try to get back in......fun for everyone...

heh....heh....

happy birthday to me.....38!!

who knew that I would look like......a softball player....at 38!!

PRESENTS!!

My wonderful husband bought me a Memphis shirt....but it was too big...

HOW SMART he is.... to make me feel so good about myself first thing on my birthday!!

I was so happy that I needed a smaller size!!

Max knows that I love Perry the Platypus from Phineas and Ferb (a cartoon)....

My gift from Max!!

I love having an artistic family!!

MAZ vs..the machine...

2011-10-11T14:50:00.000-05:00

I got a sewing machine for Christmas (2010), so I started to use it this month (October 2011).

I have been reluctant...because I CAN'T use sewing machines!!

Now that I have trifocals...I can't sew by hand anymore...

well, I CAN but it gives me a headache, takes forever...and I find more mistakes than planned...

YES! planned...

I think items that are sewn, crafted...made...should NOT look perfect. The mistakes add character!

Too much character....makes it look like crap...

The battle with the sewing machine...

It took me almost two days to thread the bobbin and the machine.

not a good start...

...sewing in a straight line should be easy...

HA!....not possible...

After three days of practicing, messing up, rethreading, fits, stomping, headaches, giving up....

I made two aprons within 20 minutes!!

I wanted primitive style aprons that are actually useful!!

...meaning.....a towel hanging from my waist...because that is my need in the kitchen!!

I chose old hand towels that were already "stained" (bleach stains). I was not about to spend time making a "pretty" apron and then mess it up by using it....which would be getting food on it...possible stains....

yep, that is leftover material from the baby quilt (did you expect me to spend money? ha!)

WAY crooked sewing.....adding primitive character....RIGHT!!! ?

not bad stitching on the fall pumpkin (yes! it is a pumpkin!)

See the wonderful "fix it stitchin" on the end of the apron tie?

this towel was way too thick for my machine...causing "puckering" while sewing the band...

but that will fold over and scrunch when being worn anyway.....because it is PRACTICAL

I would have modeled these for you....but I was afraid that would cause too much jealousy....

I have not washed them yet....if they fall apart....another fit throwing...I am sure...

skip this post, it is a ramble.....

2011-10-10T14:25:00.000-05:00

um....I tried real hard to comply with the doctor....but I don't think he really gets what this "virus" is!!

He said Jack should be able to GO to school...

Well, he is home schooled...so doing his work should be a breeze..according to the doc..

AND I'm not picking on my pediatrician! The Infectious Disease doctor felt that Max should be able to handle a mild but regular schedule when he had this "virus"....

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone!!!!

I get Jack up in the mornings...as ordered
I make Jack go to bed on time...as ordered
I make him walk laps around the house, sit on the porch, and we even forced him to take a ride in the car to get a sno cone (which resulted in him needing to lie down in the back seat for a while).

Jack takes a shower, or eats a meal.....he is wiped out..pale...involuntarily goes to sleep!

I make Jack sit up in a cushy chair to do school! Last week, my straight A, genius failed every subject we attempted! This virus does something to their concentration and processing skills. It is like talking to a geriatric patient!

The doctor is wrong! There is no way Jack could go to school! He can barely function around the house!

We are heading into the third week of this "virus" with Jack.
It took us one hour to correct his failed test from last week. They weren't errors because he did not know the concepts.....I felt like I was working with a stroke victim. He was struggling so hard to do recall on such simple processes, we almost could not get to the concept being tested!!

Later in the afternoon, I sat beside him to guide him through the next grammar lesson. It took us over two hours (with frequent breaks) to complete a VERY simple 15 minute lesson. On a normal day, he could have done this on his own!

Jack still has his sense of humor...so not only am I working against his "brain virus" but I have to deal with the sarcasm and the "your mom" jokes....

Today's lesson in grammar:
review complex prepositions...
I read the sentence and he gave the answer:
his answers
across from..."your mom"
in front of...."your mom"
because of...."your mom"

and of course there were the answers that made him giggle uncontrollably....
YEP! sigh

You would think that my Special Education degree came with an automatic dose of patience for a certain type of learning/teaching.......NOPE!!!

Goodbye Rock Star, Hello Gardner!!

2011-10-05T14:07:00.000-05:00

I have held on to my dream of being a rock star for long enough...

I was encouraged that Cyndi Lauper did not become a star until 35....but now that I am turning 38 (in 8 days..don't forget!)..I am ready to drop this dream.

Truthfully, I am too tired! I don't wear make up or fix my hair, but I always thought that I would!!!...if I woke up one morning with the ability to sing like Joan Jett and play the guitar like Slash...

Not anymore...I am tired...I am feeling old....I am finding it hard to come up with simple words in conversation, I don't like noise, crowds, and almost anything triggers my migraines...

not a great combo for a rock star...

I have a new dream...

I have always wanted to be a gardner!! I have killed everything in my yard that is pretty and can't get rid of the things that are ugly.....so that is why it is a dream and not a reality...

My mom's dad, Grandee, was the best at growing anything and always had a beautiful yard!! I loved visiting him and spending time in his yard, listening to his stories......I miss him.

Here he is in front of my mom's zinnias...grown from seeds he saved every year

My excuses every year:

I don't have money....my yard floods....I can't do it...

But Grandee created a garden and beauty from nothing.....and he could grow it in a can, between concrete slabs, gravel, a paper cup...etc...

He passed this gift to his youngest, Joel.

My uncle started a Fair Share "urban garden" program. He grew gardens in abandon lots in sandy Florida! His yard has always been a treasure to behold!! He repurposes items....and again....grows anything...anywhere....

He is now in Chattanooga...Fair Share/Chattaboogie Truck Farm....a garden in a truck!!

Teaching schools and others about growing their own food ANYWHERE.....

I know I can grow SOMETHING....SOMEWHERE in my yard!

My plan:

*cheapest and easy way to start?

*I have 2 big plastic buckets!

get these cabbage heads out!

*I have a bazillion ugly concrete blocks

(which act as an oven and bake your pricey flowers to a crisp in direct sunlight!)

*and I have plenty of swamp land!

So maybe....future blogs might bring you some MAZ adventures in gardening....

hope you aren't emotional plant lovers...because there is sure to be death...

FAIL...fail....FAIL...f a i l

2011-10-04T14:29:00.000-05:00

I feel that I keep failing...at everything.....NO! no pity party....not looking for sympathy...
so save those comments!!

oh, you may hear me blame others...but on the inside..I feel I failed as a mother, teacher, trainer, wife, cook, sister, daughter, friend (if I made any).....

Those words rarely make it out of my mouth...I'm a pretender...

I have one of my favorite photos to share..

The good, perfect, always-together-mom...thought she was getting a picture of her son giving a cute face...

Turns out mom was pinching son's arm with her fat thigh. Son was wincing with pain...

I continually fail my children. I don't listen to their words. I make a snap decision at what I THINK they are going to say or what I THINK their motives are....

The baby in the above picture probably forgot the fat mother did that to him by the time they got to the next adventure in the day....

My babies are entering their teen years....I am afraid sneaking into their rooms and whispering into their ears "you have the best mother in the world" will backfire and we will have an episode of Criminal Minds written about us....

I used to make them "look at my eyes and repeat after me"....but since we do the home school thing....I feel like we are making a Stephen King movie...

sigh......I think I have made a mistake....I spent my whole time training them to be wonderful and never trained myself.

So, while many of you need to start training your kids to be respectful and have manners

(if you don't know who you are...I will be happy to tell you....)

I will be training myself to be respectful and have manners...........

(starting with not saying the above comment?)

OUCH!

As Seen On TV

2011-10-03T14:44:00.000-05:00

I wonder if ANY of the products sold NOW in the "as seen on TV" spots are serious.

Several of my family members own snuggies. I own a Florida Gator snuggie! They are blankets...with sleeves!

NO! I would never wear it out of the house...to a football game...as advertised...I think those commercials are "for fun".....right?

AND THIS NEW ONE.....

...not only do they advertise to wear it out and on the town......but they advertise the HATCH....easy access for using the potty!!

My new favorite commercial!!

It gets pretty cold in my house in the winter! I wouldn't mind having one of these!!

....not pink....I'm not a pink kind of gal!!

wink...wink....

2011-09-29T21:02:00.001-05:00

Parents and teachers,

Are you letting your babies hold rattles and look at mobiles spin

(letting them be babies? gasp!)

Start teaching them reading as soon as they can open their eyes

(as seen on TV).

Don't worry about socialization, gross motor or fine motor skills

....or even manners or behavior skills!

Start teaching Algebra, Chinese and writing research papers in kindergarten!!

There is no need to crawl.....

(that won't cause developmental or learning disabilities, if skipped)

....teach them to walk first!!

Our children need to be professionals........

don't even consider plumber, electrician, construction labor (are they really necessary?).

You would not want the chuckleheads that are pictured above running the world???

would you???

Would you want your child...professional or vocational....to be creative?

an independent thinker?

NO!

They might change the world......

MAZ teaches art?

2011-09-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

When Max chose art as his elective this year, I thought it would be easy! Jeff is an artist!!

I soon realized that I would be the art teacher, not Jeff.....his work takes him away from home...

sigh...another challenge. I am not an artist, never studied art, and only visit museums because of Jeff.
I approach everything from academics.

My plan was to have one project a month that would highlight one artist and then the student could identify which art elements were "highlighted" by that artist and project.

I quickly found that most art lessons were "crafty" and hardly any of them taught history or taught about an artist.

I spent some time and wrote my own lesson plans.

I finally found a couple of wonderful websites for resources!

Max just finished his first project. I thought he did a pretty good job.

We took our first lesson from Deep Space Sparkle.
After Max researched Pablo Picasso, he wrote a paragraph that answered my requirements about this artist.
Then, he did the lesson in the above link creating his own "Dora Maar" painting.

Now for grading....I remember walking around the art area at Memphis State with Jeff and thinking...

"what is this crap?"

"how could a teacher grade this?"

Well, now I am on the other end because my baby painted this! It is a masterpiece OF COURSE!!

Last night, Jeff and I were in Target...we rounded the corner and there was a dad pushing a baby in the cart.

Jeff and I both drew in a breath....waited til the dad and baby were a couple of aisles away and then I said "ewwww" and Jeff said " yeah!" and I said "that baby was ugly!"

You know those parents think that baby is cute! There was nothing wrong with the baby. It was just plain ugly!

So, I have to grade Max's perfect artwork purely on:

if he followed directions, technique, and turning it in on time....

and if he bugged me or not....right?

It's ok...okay?.okay!..k?...k!..okay..ok...

2011-09-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

Ok...okay!....okay?...ok...

wait for it....

Ok">
Ok

Jack is sick with the same symptoms Max had!!

yeah....

not much to say about that...

Just hope it doesn't go on for 4 months....

YES!
I called Lebonheur..
NO!
They don't seemed concerned...."if he is still sick next Monday, I am welcome to call to make an appointment."

I assumed as much because they didn't want to see Max if he got sick again.

Prayers are welcome....you may want to avoid any taxing or deep conversations with me....

seriously, it's okay! okay? ok...okay...okay...ok

Classic MAZ livin' on the edge...

2011-09-23T13:10:00.000-05:00

In the early 90s, I went to California with my parents.

Since I am almost 38 years old (October 13th...I will accept presents!), my memories are running together...so I hope all this was one trip because I remember it that way....

I often name THIS trip when asked "what is your favorite vacation"...you know... in ice-breakers and such..

My parents and I hiked through deep sand, sand dunes and tall grass to look at elephant-walrus-beasts. I am not sure which California town this was. First, I thought we were going to die because the three of us were out of shape, it was the longest hike EVER and there was no civilization or people! Second, the entire time we heard huge lion-dinosaur beasts growling about 2 feet in front of us but we could never seem to reach them.....
It was hilarious!.....but you really just had to experience it with us!

BUT MY FAVORITE was when we walked across the border to Tijuana, Mexico!
Go ahead and follow the link and just skim through how "safe" it is to wander around over there!!

My dad is very cautious! "SAFETY FIRST" man! and he has taught his 3 girls to be the same way!

So you can imagine that when a man walked up to us and offered to take us around in his car to see the "back roads and beautiful sights of Tijuana" mom and I were backing away! NO! We knew better! We were not getting kidnapped......
Dad said "ok!"
The 3 of us got in this guy's car.

(my dad, me, our driver, mom didn't make it back)

Just kidding! We had the best tour! He showed us beautiful historical churches, where they had bull fights, old homes, gorgeous views..

(one place, he had dad get out of the car and mom and I sat in the car laughing that he was gonna push dad off the mountain and kidnap us...instead of getting out of the car to make sure he did not kill dad...but that is our humor!!)...

The man shared stories and history (whether it was true or not) that we would not have gotten from a taxi or a kidnapper! HA!!

He told us not to eat the food in the tourist area (pictured above) AND he told us the taxi drivers were dangerous!

It was the best day ever!....after the guy left, I bought a handwoven blanket that said "mexico" so I could remember our "dangerous" adventure!

When we got back to Memphis, I washed the blanket and found the tag..."made in China"....

what the crap!

In Memory

2011-09-22T08:49:00.000-05:00

We lost a member of the family on Sunday...and it was my fault!

Jack:
"mom, will you trim my hair?"
Me:
"Ok,....I don't know....sure....are you sure?"
Jack:
"just a little bit, like it was last summer..."

I start cutting.....I don't let him look in the mirror.....

oops.......oh, no!

Me:
"Jack, it is too short!....It looks horrible!"
Jack:
"let me see!"
Me:
"no! let me fix it..."

snip...snip...snip..."crap"

Jack looks in mirror, laughs......mom, that IS short...it's ok....

I start crying. He has the BEST attitude.
A 14 yr old girl would be in hysterics right now!!
He is trying to comfort me which makes it worse.
I tell him he can play video games as much as he wants the rest of his life!!

He showers....I look at it washed....NOPE!!

Me:
"Jack, you look horrible! you look like a girl or a PDS kid." (an all boys school here..they all wear their hair the same and they are young...he is too old to look like that)

I call my mom, crying. I ask her to take him to get it cut by a professional to FIX it....(I am not going..I would be embarrassed for the professional to see the mother that did this to her teenage son).

MORAL OF THE STORY:
You can cut coupons, you can cut your budget....you can cut your own hair!!
Don't cut your 14 year old son's hair that he has been growing for over a year!

Here is Jack with the professional haircut!
(no pics of what I did!)

Jumping into the Christmas tree....

2011-09-21T14:57:00.001-05:00

I'm getting older and starting to tell the same stories....so if you have heard this one...you can skip to the next chapter!

When I was about 3 years old, I got so angry I jumped off this lady's stairs and INTO her Christmas tree!

My kids love this story because I am a strict mother and I would have spanked them "up one leg and back down the other" if they had ever done anything like that!!

The story?

It is simple. The lady gave my two sisters clown dolls that she made and gave me a butterfly necklace....

This was not acceptable.

She had stairs with a landing. I flung myself off the landing and into her Christmas tree.

(not quite like this....but close...no star...and not happy)

That is all I remember. I have no idea if I was punished when my mother came to pick us up. I know my sisters were there. I remember a shocked look on my oldest sister's face.

I was recently reminded of this because I have always had anger issues. Anger rises in me with a boiling feeling that starts in the pit of my stomach.

Sometimes, I have much to regret.
Sometimes, I find myself funny...

Most of the time, I find the anger of others funny...

Yesterday, I witnessed the anger of an individual....I will admit that he was an individual with special needs. I have worked with the special needs population most of my life. WHO he is did not have anything to do with his circumstance. It only altered the situation because he handled it openly, in public, for everyone to hear....

I laughed. It was funny! I was sure that we have all been in his situation: mad at our job, frustrated, angry. Most of us would have had the conversation in our heads! I have not been diagnosed with special needs BUT I tend to handle it in the open like this young man....

Young man gathering the grocery carts. He walks away to get more. The carts begin to roll.
"Stay."
He walks away to gather more carts and stack them together. They are crooked and won't line up.
"Stop it!"
He tries to readjust the carts. He becomes frustrated. He shakes the carts back and forth.
"You're ruining my life!"
He walks away and then quickly turns to face the carts....he lowers his voice and glares at the carts..
"Stop telling lies about me!"

Now before you all think I am horrible for finding this humorous, I will explain again...
I felt the need to "jump into the Christmas tree"!!

I was sitting in the car with my window rolled down and I wanted to say "I know! They do tell lies!"....but I don't like it when people get involved in my anger issues....he didn't look like he wanted visitors in his!

I felt his anger, I felt the frustration....

My THANKS! to the Old Goat...

2011-09-20T11:06:00.000-05:00

well, either certain family was tired of reading about how to dry clothes....OR...

they were recently embarrassed by some inappropriate public scratching...

We were not getting used to the "sandpaper" feeling of the underwear!!

The parts were purchased and the dryer is fixed!

My THANKS! to the Old Goat (Jeff's dad). He was always fixing things while Jeff was growing up and Jeff was always watching!!

I have found this to be one of the most (and many) useful (and attractive) things about Jeff!! OF COURSE he is the best thing any girl could LOOK AT....but to be able to fix ANYTHING....that is HOT!

Jeff (middle goat) watched videos on the internet, took the dryer apart, put in the new parts, and put it back together....

The parts that caused so much trouble were not much bigger than quarters!

Dryer completely apart.....Jeff attaching new parts

Putting it all back together!

Back together...AND WORKING!

While Jeff is cleaning up his tools, I snap a pic of his lint head....Gives me an idea...If those weirdos can make money off of hair implants, hair remedies, and even spray paint for heads....I could sell my lint to people that won't embrace that BALD IS HANDSOME.....hmmmmmm...I wonder.....

Ok, another MAZ chapter is closed...for now...no more drying clothes stories.....

BUT you won't believe what I did to my 14 yr. old! I have been sworn to secrecy for now! Give me about a week....and then I will share!!

oscar MAZ grouch

2011-09-19T11:27:00.000-05:00

Last night we had some wild wind and rain!

The storm was so loud it sounded like several fire hoses were aimed right at our house on full blast!

Usually during a storm like this I wake up full of worry....

*will it be the front or back tree that falls

*what is that noise....the leak in our room, the laundry room, the window leak...

I can't sleep for worrying about the financial damage the storm is causing!!

I love storms but over the years I have not been able to enjoy one of God's most fantastic entertainments!!

After this year's FREEDOM that I have experienced, I woke up about 2am this morning and I did not immediately stiffen with this gripping worry....

I was able to listen and enjoy the storm!

HOWEVER, my quirks kicked in...and I began to think about our garbage on the edge of the street....

During these types of storms, our street starts to resemble a small river....it was very windy....

I got up to....of all things....CHECK ON OUR GARBAGE!!!

I looked out of the window and...

My garbage instantly reassured me it had not blown over or down the street!

I got back in bed and Jeff asked sleepily, "what's wrong..."

As it came out of my mouth, I realized how stupid it sounded and I started laughing...

"I was just checking on our garbage....bwhahahahahhaha..."

Jeff didn't make a sound....guess he is used to me after all these years!

This morning....I looked out the window again before the city picked up the garbage and I swore I made a connection with my garbage can!!

my new obsession

2011-09-18T15:42:00.002-05:00

What began as a minor inconvenience, then quickly was realized "no problem at all!"...has become my new fun obsession!

I wasn't going to tell anybody for fear that everyone would think I was strange...

...but then I remembered..."I AM CLASSIC MAZ"

I have blogged about diarrhea, sinus infections, visits to my obgyn, and every single flaw I have!!!

This is me in my new daily routine! I know! I look great in my new long legs and blond hair!!

OK, here it goes...my name is MAZ and:

I look forward to the washing machine finishing its job so that I can figure out the best and most efficient way to hang each article of clothing and each towel or linen...

Hanging each article, rotating them, figuring out the puzzle...I am trying to find the fastest way to get them to dry! It is exciting!

ALSO...

Our oven quit working in the spring...I have not found the joy of cooking quite so entertaining because I have always hated cooking!

BUT I really have not missed my oven that much....because I am not a cook!

We have been able to fix our meals on the grill, in the crock pot, toaster oven and on the stove!!

I share these two "inconveniences"...not to say "whaa whaa, poor me!" but, to either encourage someone in my same situation...OR to alert others that we Americans really are spoiled!!

I recently made a WANT list and a NEED list....to get my priorities straight!!

the dryer and the oven ended up on my WANT list and NOT at the top!!

Don't get me wrong! I'll be happy the day I get my oven, and dryer, and ....,....,.!!! BUT because of life choices WE made, we are not able to IMMEDIATELY get what we want....and I think that has stretched us (painfully at times) to be people we might not have become.....

damp, wrinkled, lightly toasted.....but happy!

CITY SERVE!

2011-09-15T10:43:00.000-05:00

I am so excited about this year's City Serve.

Once a year, our church sets aside a weekend to volunteer at various ministries in our city. We have a dinner and speaker on Friday night, we serve on Saturday, and then "wrap it up" with our Sunday sermons.

This years speaker on Friday night is Brian Fikkert. He wrote When Helping Hurts. I really enjoyed reading this "uncomfortable" book. I urge you to read it and then you will understand why it made me uncomfortable! He makes some great points backed with great examples and lessons on how helping, volunteering and some ministries have ultimately hurt people when they were intended to help them!

Another great idea and practice of our church is:

*you don't "HELP" one weekend or holiday...out of the year..you do it year round!

Did you know that if you choose Jesus, you choose to serve?

(those are my words, not Fikkert...I'm done talking about him)

I think people miss that sometimes. Many people think "my spouse is a giver enough for both of us" or " we give financially, instead" or "I am too busy with the kids, work, school..."

The list could go on...

As christians, we are here for one reason....

It is VERY hard to live in this world: financially, medically, family obligations, etc

We weren't made to keep up with the world's demands. We were made to glorify God.

.......I know.....I am doing it again....serious, church chat....sheesh...don't know what to do with the MAZ!!

I have another blog about teaching and parenting. The last post is about teaching your kids to serve!

You might want to check it out!

Genuine, Lasting Change

MAZ gets serious...for a moment...

2011-09-10T16:19:00.001-05:00

I was surprised at all the emails, messages, phone calls and comments after my post about the last visit to Max's doctor! I thought maybe everyone had "seen" enough of my posting about Max's illness so I tried to do a quick "wrap it up" post. I am afraid it was too vague!

Several of you were concerned that the doctor felt that there was not anything wrong with Max, that nothing could be done for Max, or some were just confused...

I understand! When I left the doctor, I was very emotional. I was tearful.

I am stressed, tired, confused....and as I said in the other post...uncomfortable!
I want a diagnosis, a name, some meds (for Max, not me....well?) and a time frame of when this will be over!

The doctor told us that if Max was a girl, it would be easy. He MIGHT be able to tell us that it MIGHT be Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. The symptoms might fit but it is common in girls and RARELY if EVER found in boys.

He also told us to look for a couple of other symptoms if Max gets ill again. I have not noticed the symptoms in previous "episodes", but I will look! If these symptoms show, then it could be several other things he mentioned. (the names are too big for me to remember or spell)

All the illnesses he mentioned are not serious but they are illnesses that would stay with the individual!

The doctor told us how to deal with an individual that has a reoccurring illness:
*don't stay up late
*don't sleep late
*don't pamper them
*make them go on with life as well as they can

I already do these things because I am high-strung and type A! He joked about this with me....I actually think he was making fun of me and I told him "to watch it!"

I want to share the following with my readers in case you are going through the same sort of trials....

God is not only allowing Max's illness this year, but he has allowed our family to be uncomfortable in many other ways. Nothing tragic or huge, but enough for us to know that WE are not in control and WE can not help ourselves. At first, I threw a pity party (and from time-to-time I still do) BUT I have seen a HUGE change in the lives of both of my boys. Jeff and I have TOGETHER given our concerns to God and as a family we pray TOGETHER for our needs!
I would not trade this year for anything!

The boys have learned by example what God has asked a working man to do, a husband to do, a father to do....(because Jeff puts God first!)

The boys have learned (by me saying Don't Do As I Do, Do As the Bible says) what a wife should do, a mother should do......because I act first and think later, then pray later...then have to go back and apologize and tell the kids what SHOULD have been done....they are getting used to me :/

Those of you that know me.....I don't like gettin' "all spiritual talk".....but I Need my Lord...I love my Lord.....

I have to give back "my control" to Him minute by minute!

Turtle necks, button downs, and pantyhose

2011-09-08T17:48:00.004-05:00

Turtle necks, button down shirts and pantyhose/tights were the worst things I could think of wearing when I was younger.

IT ITCHES!!!

I would squirm and scratch and whine from toddler years through college years and even some of my adult days....

I have learned to wear these items and now, I even like to wear turtle necks.....they are comfortable ...

We all have our sensory issues and comfort zones...

This summer has been very uncomfortable for me and you may have witnessed me flouncing around screaming "it itches!!"......sorry ....and there may be more episodes...

Even though the trials of the summer have not been tragic, they have made me very uncomfortable and "itchy".....and no matter how hard I have tried...I have not been able to loosen the tight turtle neck, soften the stiff button down, or rip off the binding tights!! I must wear them. I must learn that either they will become comfortable or I will eventually be able to put my sweatpants and t-shirt on when the time is right!!

Side note......We had our last meeting (as far as we know) with the doctor at Lebonheur.

Thankfully, all of the tests done on Max came back negative. The doctor advised us how to deal with individuals that have reoccurring illnesses.

Thankfully, I am naturally this way (scheduled, not pampering, etc). He does not expect to need to see Max again.

There is not a diagnosis.

We look at this as a good thing, because that means he will get better and is probably already getting better! He feels fine now...thankfully!!

However, I like answers.....so this is one more thing I am learning to wear....

I am itchy.....

Please keep names and spirits in order....

2011-09-07T12:25:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note:

last night, we were having a "family Bible time", devotion, resorting priorities, whatever you call it....

anyway, Max shared a story he "remembered"....however some facts and names became jumbled and this is how it was presented:

"you know, the story of the lady that did the black magic? Paul was mad because he couldn't kill Daniel so he hired the lady to raise Moses from the dead!!"

Jeff and I looked at each other. I was instantly intrigued! You know I love stories about black magic...raising of the dead....
Jeff began to try to sort out the story for Max, but Max became upset that he was being told that he was wrong.
Neither Jeff, nor I remembered any story like this in the Bible!!

Me: "where did you hear this?", instantly thinking some crazy toast taught him in Sunday School, of course!
Max: "you taught me last year! I read it for school!"

WHA?

I started googling "black magic/paul/moses on the computer..
Jeff started researching the Bible...

Jeff found the story...
It was SAUL mad because he could not kill DAVID. He hired a lady to do black magic and God allowed her to raise Samuel from the dead (because God is always in control!)

It is a great story and after reading it, I remembered it....

Jeff corrected the jumbled memories for Max and made sure he understood the story.
I praised Max for his memory and paying attention in school!! (when I clearly did not!)
Then I turned to Jack...

"Jack, why didn't you read this in school last year?"
Jack:
"I probably did! I just thought it was something I watched in Mulan! They raise spirits on that movie. That is a good movie....I enjoy it!"

Oh, good grief!! Jack and his spiritual recall......
"did I get that from the Bible or Mulan?"

Classic MAZ forgets her bubble suit

2011-09-01T18:20:00.000-05:00

I don't see why people think Monk is weird. I feel his pain!

We spent 5 hours at Lebonheur (hospital) today.

I know...you all tuned in to read about Max and his medical update....I'll get to that....but I suffered a little today too....

I got up this morning and made hot sugar water (forgot to put the tea bags in the tea maker...ugggh!).
Headed to the appointment without caffeine and sweet tea (it is all I have left...I have given up all my other addictions....unless you have picked up on some others...keep it to yourself).

As I am signing in for the appointment, several other mothers arrive and grab masks out of a container...

hmmmmmm...ok, what do I do....this is obviously a choice....I would love a mask....is this only for certain patients...would it be rude or weird if I take 3 and Jeff, Max and I wear a mask? I secretly look around and only 3 out of about 15 kids are wearing masks...I figure it is because of their illness!

When I taught at a school with medically fragile kids, I did weird stuff all the time and they would just laugh at me "crazy Mrs. Z".....I felt I would not get the same loving affection here....

I am called back to sign some more papers. I start looking at all the files and papers laying on the desk while I am waiting......I realize all the diseases that are passing through this area.....

I go sit....I just took out my hand sanitizer when I switched purses!! shoot!! I also did not have toilet seat liners, my lysol spray, latex gloves.........

Then they called our name and I snapped out of it......my lamaze breathing would have to do....

Our appointment turned into a 5 hour appointment!
Loved everyone that worked with us! It just took that long because of thinking and conferring!
I have many things to say and report on....but ALAS....1/2 my readers have connections to these doctors and hospital...so I will keep it to myself.......harumph!

We still don't know anything....but they did more blood work and a chest xray.
They seem to be looking for illness/disease caused by ticks and then if all those come back negative, then they will start on viruses.

We go back next Thursday!

The doctor was impressed with my "nerdy" calendar that I created to track Max's sick and well days. He even made a copy!

What is your best?

2011-08-29T15:11:00.000-05:00

The world tells us what success looks like

None of these are bad...... I hung similar posters in my classrooms for encouragement!

What if you don't live according to the world.....

Do you really have to reach for the extreme?

Do you have to hope you make it and that everything will fall into place...or that you just continue?

I think your best is what happens when there is not an audience.

How do you respond to your children when nobody is looking?

How do you interact with your spouse when you aren't around friends, peers, or others?

How do you serve others when it will never be known to another soul?

I love to observe other people.

A couple of days ago I was in the grocery store.

I was fortunate enough to secretly observe a man being GREAT with a teenage boy.....and he didn't know he was being GREAT!

A man grocery shopping and a boy about the age of 15 tagging along....this could be a disaster!

Boy: "have you seen the commercial for the new Subway sandwich?"

**most men at this point would mumble a "...really...." or pretend to be interested....

This man (still shopping) (not fake voice): "no, what is it?" (an interested voice)

Boy proceeds to describe the sandwich in great detail! He obviously loves Subway and wanted to try this sandwich.

The man did not interrupt the boy, let him finish....but did add some "mmmm" at correct points!

Then the man said

"you better not try that sandwich before I get to try it! (humor)

Do you see the canola oil?"

Boy: "here it is"

Man: "how bout the new pizza at...."

Then they turned the aisle and I could not hear the conversation.

Why does this make the man GREAT?

...because he was connecting with this teenage boy! I don't know if it was his son

(probably...who else would torture themselves by taking a teenage boy to the grocery than a parent??)

He wasn't forcing a weird conversation about a topic the boy didn't care.

He didn't stop shopping and make the boy feel awkward when the boy started the conversation on his own. He didn't pretend interest by mumbling words back to the boy.

He spoke like the boy was another adult in an adult conversation and kept it on the topic that interested the teenage boy WHILE shopping so the boy did not feel awkward with the extra attention!

It takes coordination to converse and attend to a teen! That is why this man is GREAT!! He did all this and probably thought it was just he and that teen boy on that grocery aisle! (I was behind a large stack of toilet paper.....not being creepy or anything)

Whatever you say.....we trust you......HA!

2011-08-26T17:49:00.000-05:00

Jack is turning 14 this Sunday!

For the past 6 months, we have given Jack freedom to run free in the city.
I know that my Jack is making wise and mature decisions!

He has a nice, well-mannered group of kids that he hangs with....

and he is involved in several exciting service projects.....

He is gone all the time with various leaders, mentors, friends, etc....and I never have to worry!!

Jack never ceases to amaze me. He is brave, daring.....some might say.....clever!

Everyone knows you should always trust your teen!! The "good" ones always tell you what you need to hear.....the truth of course!

So for Jack's 14th birthday, we bought him a homing device!

Now we can reach him on all his missions, goodwill, and service....

instant sleep!

2011-08-25T18:04:00.000-05:00

I inherited "horrible sleep" from my mother.

I can't go to sleep.

If I go to sleep, I am easily woken...

If I wake up, I can't go back to sleep...

I might be drowsy all day but if it is bed time, I am wide awake!

Horrible sleep cycles...horrible feeling to have all day...
(if I take a nap, I get a migraine!)

Recently, I was VERY SLEEPY on a Saturday afternoon...I was working on some lesson plans at the kitchen table.....Jeff was lying on the couch and surfing TV channels...

He landed on the ONE show that is INSTANT SLEEP FOR ME!! It might as well come packaged in a bottle as a sleeping pill....

I know...I know....mesmerizing, entrancing.....

T i t a n i u m W h i t e

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

too soon?

2011-08-23T11:09:00.000-05:00

sorry....is another post too soon?

I have kept some great information in my skull for over 3 weeks!!

LIKE:

My dream house is up for sale!!

Isn't it gorgeous??

You can find it here at this link $1.15M on Long Island

You might recognize it as this house...

Amityville Horror House

That would be AWESOME!!

(maybe a birthday gift for me? October 13th...you have over a month)

NEXT, the greatest disappointment of the summer!

I have a "thing".....an admiration...if you will...like admiring a Ferrari...

or an Aston Martin (my new favorite)!

Jason Statham

He would look his best if he would shave completely bald....like my Jeff!

He has fantastic mad fighting skills....

He has chosen movies that entertain me because they use his skills and physique to the fullest!

Except this ONE!!

EWWWW!!! you don't put hair on a superb bald guy!!

I don't think he even killed one guy with his hands in this movie.....I don't know.....I couldn't get past his hair!

I can't remember the movie AT ALL....it was horrible!

no really, it was!!

Don't watch The Revolver!

Peek-a-boo.....

2011-08-22T12:39:00.000-05:00

I have some time to poke my head in the world and say HI!!!

Sunday evening, Max was lying on the couch...sick....I will address that in a minute...

I was sitting in my chair working on lesson plans....minding my own business and not making a sound...

He turns to me with a look of disgust....rolls his eyes and says in a slightly evil voice "you are a teach-a-holic"!

Well, I wouldn't call myself a "teachahaloic"...but maybe a PLANahaloic!

I love this part of the year! I love taking off the month of August, planning every lesson for every subject, getting the grade book ready for the new year, the lesson plan notebooks ready for the new year, etc...

I only hated one thing ...... and that was reading and WORKING Jack's Algebra.....to make sure I could remember and teach it to him!! That was like exercising muscles I had not used in ages!!

We have 15 days left before school starts and I am ready!!.....

Here is what I would have been posting if I were on FB and blogging during the month of August!!

August 1st: Jeff turned 41 (let the records show...I am still nowhere NEAR 40)

he picked this cake at Kroger...with pink icing....takes a strong old man to do that!!

August 2nd: one of the hottest days of the year! where do you go? Jerry's!! If you don't live in Memphis, it is worth the drive!!.....and I don't like snow cones!

I love Jerry's Snow Cones!! They also have wonderful greasy burgers and fries!

For the non-Memphis readers: if you order wedding cake snow cone...it tastes like you are eating wedding cake!

My personal favorite is pina colada....and gettin caught in the rain....har har

ok, mirror says 105 at Jerry's.....but wait....

next day....114!

On this day, Max got new frames and bifocals...I got new frames and trifocals....Jack kept his same frames but got a stronger prescription...

Here is the conversation between my favorite EYE DOCTOR and Jack!

Doctor: "do you wear your glasses?"

Jack: "no"

Dr: "why?"

Jack: "I don't need them"

Dr: "read the last line on the chart" (w/o glasses)

Chart: E H I T O

Jack: S T I L D

Dr: "now with your glasses"

Jack: E H I T O

Dr: Looked at me grinning big!

The conversation continued and it came out that Jack used his glasses when he needed to read or SEE!

If you haven't been following the story about Max and his unknown illness, then you might want to read through some of my posts....

Max was well the first few weeks of August.

On August 13th, he asked us if he could ride his bike on the Greenline!

After about a 45 minute ride, Max got tired and could not ride his bike. Jeff had to ride Max's bike back to the car and drive the car to Max!

(I would have taken a pic of that but Max did not want Jeff to ride his bike and break it...so Jeff was sneaking and riding it....me taking a pic would have alerted Max that Jeff WAS riding his bike...I wanted to sing "big guy on a little bike")

Max drank water and took a nap. He thought he was better that night. The next morning, his symptoms of weakness and dizziness were back. He has been sick again for over a week. After speaking to two more specialist and our pediatrician ....we have an appointment to go to Lebonheur (pediatric infectious disease doctor) on September 1st!! We are praying for wisdom, guidance and clear answers!!

This is the picture Max drew to illustrate how he feels. The skeleton represents how weak his body feels. The big head represents the feeling of "lightheadedness".

The next big event will be this weekend................ when JACK turns 14 on AUGUST 28th!!

He has been in Trenton since August 6th. He comes home August 25th. I believe that is the longest he has ever been gone. I am pretty sure he is only coming home for his birthday present!

I always imagine me writing to my family and close friends...but then I learned of a few more readers that I never see......I LOVE IT!! I really like that people read my blog!! One day I plan to take over the internet (that Gore invented)....and when I do....ClassicMAZ will be the #1 read blog...because I truly believe that people are entertained by my "nothing"!

Homebound MAZ

2011-07-22T20:06:00.000-05:00

My regular readers know that if you leave me stuck in the house...I usually start to remodel or rearrange...I have been a good girl....

I found something else to occupy my time!

In the 3 months that Max has been sick, I have watched 5 seasons of Ghost Whisperer, started a professional blog Ziegenhorn School For The Gifted (its own Facebook page), and read 5 books (so far) that don't have anything to do with education or behavior or the Bible....

AND.......started sifting through old pictures.....

I am a high strung person and can only see ONE thing in front of me....so I enjoy looking through pictures and seeing what was REALLY going on around me when I thought I was taking a picture of something else.......

I figured out how to use my scanner....so I could share it on CLASSIC MAZ......enjoy.....

Should be Max opening a birthday gift......but what is Jack up to???

Is Jack tired of hearing the baby squall? tired of hearing grandmother talk? tired of having pictures taken?

My one and only time I dressed my sons up like preppy kids. Look how comfy Jack looks! Good golly this is awful!

Bathing suits with floats in them to keep them "safe" and let them enjoy the pool "float" free.....Looks like Jack figured out how to annoy his little brother....."oops, excuse me....oh! sorry.....oh, man....didn't see you..."

Next, a series of possible explanations of future anxiety issues for Max:

"hey Max, pick up that stick...hee hee...keep trying!"

oh, that horse is gonna do something to Max...quick get a picture, then help your kid.....

(Jack watching)

Sick baby crying so hard, face is red....big brother tired of it....get a picture instead of taking care of the situation!

This is the funniest picture to me! This is my niece (5 yrs older than Max). She has always gone above and beyond to be nice and play with Max, ALWAYS!! He LOVES her....I have never been able to figure out what in the world she was saying to him!! I THINK she was playing....the camera just snapped this part of it....

Beware!

my one and ONLY attempt at making a creative cake!

Jack wanted an Alien theme birthday.....this looked like an alien autopsy...horrifying!! I even used red velvet cake....ewwww.

If you see me on facebook, then you already saw the next picture!

"where?"

"up there! Delta balcony"

"are you sure?"

"yea! does that sound strange to you?"

This is right before we got married. July 22, 1995 at about 7:30 a.m. in the Memphis airport.

I love this picture because it looks like we trapped the preacher into marrying us there, but we didn't! He might have thought we were crazy but he agreed! It is the best idea and decision Jeff and I have EVER made!!

The next two pictures....I COULD get in trouble for posting.....

I taught my children to do chores from the day they could walk....for some reason, I took a picture of them vacuuming the furniture. It is hilarious....Jack (4 yrs old in his undies and White Station ball cap) and Max (2yrs) waiting his turn....we didn't have central air at this time...just window units...hence the clothing...or lack of...

Found this picture....can any of my churchy readers pick out these 3 guys???

I married the angry,sexy one in the middle!

Well, I have a ton more....but YOU are probably bored by now....

In looking through all my pictures, I learned:

Jack has ALWAYS been a sneaky comedian.

Max has always looked worried, sick, serious or in thought......hmmmmm....

Jeff lost his hair.

I need to sit still and watch....every moment!

Being a great parent for a teen

2011-07-17T19:17:00.000-05:00

My oldest will be 14 at the end of August.

He never gives me "rules" of what to do or not do around him like most teens (because he knows he would get a LOOK or I would DO something to him).

When we are around his friends, I try not to talk to him (unless I need to) and let him approach me......

I am still myself...I am not worried about embarrassing him (it is a given that I probably will)...I just know from being a teen...and teaching teens....stay away from teens...and they will approach you when they need you!!

Today, I was helping my son get his stuff together for his mission trip. I told him I had my camera to take some pictures of the mission team "leaving".

Jack: "um, just take my picture here (at home). not at church."

I ignored him.

In the car....

Jack: "where's your camera?"

Me:...driving...."I'm not taking your picture (at home). I don't want one of you at home. I have plenty of those."

I did not completely lie. He did not ask a specific question.

I took one picture that is not appropriate for the world to see but I will show him when he gets home. It says...."you don't tell me what to do...I am the mother!"

Then I took the following picture because the 3 rental vans had weird color effects around the wheels and running boards!! Teal and lime green.....

I couldn't help it that a few boys got in the way!

Where are the girls? hugging their mothers.....