skip this post, it is a ramble.....

um....I tried real hard to comply with the doctor....but I don't think he really gets what this "virus" is!!

He said Jack should be able to GO to school...

Well, he is home schooled...so doing his work should be a breeze..according to the doc..

AND I'm not picking on my pediatrician! The Infectious Disease doctor felt that Max should be able to handle a mild but regular schedule when he had this "virus"....

I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone!!!!

I get Jack up in the mornings...as ordered
I make Jack go to bed on time...as ordered
I make him walk laps around the house, sit on the porch, and we even forced him to take a ride in the car to get a sno cone (which resulted in him needing to lie down in the back seat for a while).

Jack takes a shower, or eats a meal.....he is wiped out..pale...involuntarily goes to sleep!

I make Jack sit up in a cushy chair to do school! Last week, my straight A, genius failed every subject we attempted! This virus does something to their concentration and processing skills. It is like talking to a geriatric patient!

The doctor is wrong! There is no way Jack could go to school! He can barely function around the house!

We are heading into the third week of this "virus" with Jack.
It took us one hour to correct his failed test from last week. They weren't errors because he did not know the concepts.....I felt like I was working with a stroke victim. He was struggling so hard to do recall on such simple processes, we almost could not get to the concept being tested!!

Later in the afternoon, I sat beside him to guide him through the next grammar lesson. It took us over two hours (with frequent breaks) to complete a VERY simple 15 minute lesson. On  a normal day, he could have done this on his own!

Jack still has his sense of humor...so not only am I working against his "brain virus" but I have to deal with the sarcasm and the "your mom" jokes....

Today's lesson in grammar:
review complex prepositions...
I read the sentence and he gave the answer:
his answers
across from..."your mom"
in front of...."your mom"
because of...."your mom"

and of course there were the answers that made him giggle uncontrollably....
YEP!   sigh

You would think that my Special Education degree came with an automatic dose of patience for a certain type of learning/teaching.......NOPE!!!

Goodbye Rock Star, Hello Gardner!!

I have held on to my dream of being a rock star for long enough...

I was encouraged that Cyndi Lauper did not become a star until 35....but now that I am turning 38 (in 8 days..don't forget!)..I am ready to drop this dream.

Truthfully, I am too tired! I don't wear make up or fix my hair, but I always thought that I would!!!...if I woke up one morning with the ability to sing like Joan Jett and play the guitar like Slash...

Not anymore...I am tired...I am feeling old....I am finding it hard to come up with simple words in conversation, I don't like noise, crowds, and almost anything triggers my migraines...

not a great combo for a rock star...

I have a new dream...

I  have always wanted to be a gardner!! I have killed everything in my yard that is pretty and can't get rid of the things that are ugly.....so that is why it is a dream and not a reality...

My mom's dad, Grandee, was the best at growing anything and always had a beautiful yard!! I loved visiting him and spending time in his yard, listening to his stories......I miss him.

Here he is in front of my mom's zinnias...grown from seeds he saved every year 

My excuses every year:

I don't have money....my yard floods....I can't do it...

But Grandee created a garden and beauty from nothing.....and he could grow it in a can, between concrete slabs, gravel, a paper cup...etc...

He passed this gift to his youngest, Joel.

My uncle started a Fair Share "urban garden" program. He grew gardens in abandon lots in sandy Florida! His yard has always been a treasure to behold!! He repurposes items....and again....grows anything...anywhere....

He is now in Chattanooga...Fair Share/Chattaboogie Truck Farm....a garden in a truck!!

Teaching schools and others about growing their own food ANYWHERE.....

I know I can grow SOMETHING....SOMEWHERE in my yard!

My plan:

*cheapest and easy way to start?

*I have 2 big plastic buckets!

get these cabbage heads out!

*I have a bazillion ugly concrete blocks

(which act as an oven and bake your pricey flowers to a crisp in direct sunlight!)

*and I have plenty of swamp land!

So maybe....future blogs might bring you some MAZ adventures in gardening....

hope you aren't emotional plant lovers...because there is sure to be death...

FAIL...fail....FAIL...f a i l

I feel that I keep failing...at everything.....NO! no pity party....not looking for sympathy...
so save those comments!!

oh, you may hear me blame others...but on the inside..I feel I failed as a mother, teacher, trainer, wife, cook, sister, daughter, friend (if I made any).....

Those words rarely make it out of my mouth...I'm a pretender...

I have one of my favorite photos to share..

The good, perfect, always-together-mom...thought she was getting a picture of her son giving a cute face...

Turns out mom was pinching son's arm with her fat thigh. Son was wincing with pain...

I continually fail my children. I don't listen to their words. I make a snap decision at what I THINK they are going to say or what I THINK their motives are....

The baby in the above picture probably forgot the fat mother did that to him by the time they got to the next adventure in the day....

My babies are entering their teen years....I am afraid sneaking into their rooms and whispering into their ears "you have the best mother in the world" will backfire and we will have an episode of Criminal Minds written about us....

I used to make them "look at my eyes and repeat after me"....but since we do the home school thing....I feel like we are making a Stephen King movie...

sigh......I think I have made a mistake....I spent my whole time training them to be wonderful and never trained myself.

So, while many of you need to start training your kids to be respectful and have manners 

(if you don't know who you are...I will be happy to tell you....)

I will be training myself to be respectful and have manners...........

(starting with not saying the above comment?)

OUCH!

As Seen On TV

I wonder if ANY of the products sold NOW in the "as seen on TV" spots are serious.

Several of my family members own snuggies. I own a Florida Gator snuggie! They are blankets...with sleeves! 

NO! I would never wear it out of the house...to a football game...as advertised...I think those commercials are "for fun".....right?

AND THIS NEW ONE.....

...not only do they advertise to wear it out and on the town......but they advertise the HATCH....easy access for using the potty!!

My new favorite commercial!!

It gets pretty cold in my house in the winter! I wouldn't mind having one of these!!

....not pink....I'm not a pink kind of gal!!

wink...wink....

Parents and teachers, 

Are you letting your babies hold rattles and look at mobiles spin

 (letting them be babies? gasp!)

Start teaching them reading as soon as they can open their eyes

 (as seen on TV). 

Don't worry about socialization, gross motor or fine motor skills

....or even manners or behavior skills! 

Start teaching Algebra, Chinese and writing research papers in kindergarten!! 

There is no need to crawl.....

(that won't cause developmental or learning disabilities, if skipped)

....teach them to walk first!!

Our children need to be professionals........

don't even consider plumber, electrician, construction labor (are they really necessary?).

You would not want the chuckleheads that are pictured above running the world???

 would you???

Would you want your child...professional or vocational....to be creative? 

an independent thinker? 

NO! 

They might change the world......

MAZ teaches art?

When Max chose art as his elective this year, I thought it would be easy! Jeff is an artist!!

I soon realized that I would be the art teacher, not Jeff.....his work takes him away from home...

sigh...another challenge. I am not an artist, never studied art, and only visit museums because of Jeff.
I approach everything from academics.

My plan was to have one project a month that would highlight one artist and then the student could identify which art elements were "highlighted" by that artist and project.

I quickly found that most art lessons were "crafty" and hardly any of them taught history or taught about an artist.

I spent some time and wrote my own lesson plans.

I finally found a couple of wonderful websites for resources!

Max just finished his first project. I thought he did a pretty good job.

We took our first lesson from Deep Space Sparkle.
After Max researched Pablo Picasso, he wrote a paragraph that answered my requirements about this artist.
Then, he did the lesson in the above link creating his own "Dora Maar" painting.

Now for grading....I remember walking around the art area at Memphis State with Jeff and thinking...

"what is this crap?"

"how could a teacher grade this?"

Well, now I am on the other end because my baby painted this! It is a masterpiece OF COURSE!!

Last night, Jeff and I were in Target...we rounded the corner and there was a dad pushing a baby in the cart. 

Jeff and I both drew in a breath....waited til the dad and baby were a couple of aisles away and then I said "ewwww" and Jeff said " yeah!" and I said "that baby was ugly!"

You know those parents think that baby is cute! There was nothing wrong with the baby. It was just plain ugly!

So, I have to grade Max's perfect artwork purely on:

 if he followed directions, technique, and turning it in on time....

and if he bugged me or not....right?

It's ok...okay?.okay!..k?...k!..okay..ok...

Ok...okay!....okay?...ok...

wait for it....

Ok">
Ok

Jack is sick with the same symptoms Max had!!

yeah....

not much to say about that...

Just hope it doesn't go on for 4 months....

YES!
I called Lebonheur..
NO!
They don't seemed concerned...."if he is still sick next Monday, I am welcome to call to make an appointment."

I assumed as much because they didn't want to see Max if he got sick again.

Prayers are welcome....you may want to avoid any taxing or deep conversations with me....

seriously, it's okay! okay? ok...okay...okay...ok