MAZ admits she is old, tired, but happy!

You ever feel like some craziness is running around you? and you might be in mild peril?

But you are just to tired to move?

Well at least watch the chaos...it can be quite entertaining!

People are the best entertainment

I used to be annoyed by people.  Over the past several years, I have started to see all people as God's creation. He designed each of us to be who we are....unique.

I try to be descreet in my favorite hobby:
Observing and listening
Analyzing people

Sometimes...though...
A person will loudly ask for attention...
And I must document!

Tenspeed triple speaker jambox

Keeping BIG things hidden

Over the years, I have experienced many stories that would make a great blog BUT a close friend or relative was involved so even if I changed names and places, it still would have offended somebody.

My boys provide me with material everyday but they are teens now....and respectful...therefore I will be respectful....

Now that I am working, I have GREAT stories to share...

But, again, you never know who reads this blog so I have to keep most of the funny stuff to myself.

I am about to explode with BIG, funny observations and stories...AHHHHHHH!

Since I am being nice to my peeps.....

I am left with telling you about a Target dressing room experience......

If you have followed my blog for more than two years, then you know that I lose AND FIND the same 40 pounds year after year after year.

This winter I found it.....and this spring/summer I will try to lose it........again!

I needed a new shirt a couple of weeks ago and decided to torture myself and try on clothes.

There is a size that I refuse to buy so I try on the biggest size that I can stand to take into the dressing room...

I am not great at estimation....hated "learning" the concept in school AND hate teaching it. Never have found a use for it.....until maybe this day..

I tried to put the shirt on normal...overhead, then arms through sleeves.

didn't work

I then tried raising my arms straight above my head and letting the shirt slide down my arms and onto my head...

didn't quite work...but after a snake dance...I got it on!!

I looked in the mirror and was horrified!

The cute shirt was stretched over a couple of swimming inner tubes. I apparently was unaware of acquiring them.

By this time I had worked up some humidity in the tiny dressing room.

My hair was frizzy and huge.

I was huge.

The shirt was small...

After weeping on the inside, I decide to NOT get the stupid ugly shirt that couldn't do it's job and keep big things hidden!!

I worked on getting that shirt off for about 20  minutes.

I was about to call for emergency assistance when....

the act of standing on my hands and head and kicking my feet in the air like a donkey...

released the shirt

I got some strange looks when I burst out of the fitting room....

hair wild, eyes wild, and jeans unzipped.....I would find that out after walking to the front and out into the parking lot...

Goodbye badger, Hello Wheezy!

For most of the cold season, I have a badger that follows me (when I wear my corduroys). I never see him, but I can always here him sneaking behind me. When I walk faster, I hear him moving faster and louder. When I slow down, he seems to keep in pace with my steps.

He is with me almost every year. Except for a couple of years when I wore smaller sized pants.
Funny, I don't know why he prefers to follow me when I am heavier.....


The cold season is ending (I put away my winter pants), and the warmer weather finds me walking for exercise.
Until I get into shape, I find it difficult to breathe and walk at the same time.

Badger must hibernate for the warmer weather......not sure where he goes....

I just know I don't hear him sneaking behind me much anymore.

BUT my friend Wheezy (from Toy Story) keeps me company during the warmer months!

I never see him either, but I can always hear him (wheezing). Especially when I really pick up my walking pace!

I have a few other friends that seem to follow me throughout the year.

I feel so blessed to have so many followers!

Heads Up!

Be careful when you see me walking around, you never know which friend is following!

A Stupid Day

I woke up at 2am with a cough, sore throat, migraine and my nostrils were simultaneously stopped up AND dripping....nope!....
flowing!
 with large amounts of mucous!

I rolled over and over in misery until my alarm went off at 5:45.

I know you all are feeling sorry for Jeff at this point.
DON'T!
 He is off pretending to be a Blues Brother.
He was not snoring away beside me, oblivious to my misery.
 (because that is exactly how it would have been if we were in town!)

After sinus meds, migraine meds, snorting salt water and a hot shower......

I was off to work!

and looking my best!

After making TWO wrong turns on my NORMAL route to work, I realized that I was going to be severely impaired today!

I eventually arrived to work and stepped out of my car with my drink, and into

a wind tunnel.

After losing my drink to the weather, I let my hair lead me the rest of the way to the office.

I felt like I was working in quicksand all day.

I was slow.

I was stupid.

I was.....

what was I?

oh, yea...

I was forgetful.

When I wasn't forgetting simple words and what work I was slowly accomplishing before I sneezed....

I was leaking uncontrollably!

My eyes were crying, my nose was running..

and I think at one point, I was drooling (mouth breathing and forgot to swallow).

My last assignment for the day was to drive 2 buildings down and drop off a piece of paper.

I got in my car, started the engine, and looked toward the building that was my destination. 

The usually crowded parking lot was completely empty.

I noted this because there are usually trucks parked everywhere.

I thought to myself  "why do those crazy people park where they are blocking a straight shot from building to building?"

I noticed that I could drive straight through the 3 parking lots and not have to pull out on the street and then back in the other parking lot........

I picked up some speed when I left my paved lot and transitioned onto the gravel lot.

I like that noise...

THEN

HUH!

Well that explains why those trucks park in the way!

Turns out you can't drive straight through all three parking lots.....

BUT you can fly into the last one if you hit the curb just right!

Last words

This weekend was my last Kidmission Festival.  I want to end this season in my life by sharing some of my favorite quotes from the kids:

A boy was off by himself and Jeff was trying to encourage him to participate in the activities.
Jeff: "Have you had a chance to go look at some of the countries? There is Russia, Jordan..."
Boy: "Is that what they named the shoes after?"
Jeff: "They named the shoes after Michael Jordan, the basketball player."
Boy: "They named the country after the basketball player?"

I was talking to a 9 year old girl about the different food they eat in Japan. Our guest missionary from Japan shared several pictures of "different" food.
Me: "Would you eat some of the food we saw...like the different flavored fish poop?"
Girl: she thought for a few seconds
"If it was fried...."
She smiles with delight and puts her hand on my arm.
"Hhmm. Mmm. I'll eat anything fried!"

I am passing out cookies to the kids. One little girl takes the cookie and says:
"I'm allergic to this."
Me: "well, throw it away."
Girl crams the entire cookie in her mouth and takes another one.
I have a minor heartattack.
"DON'T EAT IT IF YOU ARE ALLERGIC!"
Girl: mouth full "oh! It's a sugar cookie. I'll be ok."
I snatched her other cookie from her fingers and watched her the rest of the time with bugged eyes.

I'm telling a young boy for the 60th time to sit in a seat. I use my firm and threatening MOM voice "don't get up again". He looks into my eyes for a few seconds.
Boy: "ooo kay" shakes his pointer finger at me "I remember you. You are here a lot. You don't like kids to run around."
He sits down with a smile on his face like he is thinking
"Crazy old lady"
But he quit running around the stage so....whatever!

Classic MAZ takes over the world

I love my new job!

Many have asked "what do you do?"....
I will let the following video tell you:

(by the way, I am not the one in the wheel!)

So now that is cleared up...

Strange things that I have begun to do.....

I, just this afternoon, stood in line at Target to purchase 3 alarm clocks. The lady asked if I needed a gift receipt. 

I did not. 

It was for all the males in my house.....but I spent several seconds feeling sorry for the imaginary person that would be receiving the alarm clocks as a gift.

I have become very aware that my insides chirp, growl, moan, hiss, and make various small animal and light saber noises.

Why?

Well, because I am in a quiet room all day with one other person within arms length. I am very aware of the "star wars" going on within my body. I am not necessarily hungry, belchy or gassy....but you wouldn't know it by listening to my noises for 10 hours!

I have started to lose my mind...

I took Max and his friend to a church function the other night. Half way to the church, I checked my pants pockets and the car seat...I had forgotten my phone.

This was a problem because I was stopping by the store on the way back home and might need to call Jeff about the grocery list.

I drop the kids off and I am running the list through my brain so I won't forget to buy anything...

Suddenly, my abdomen starts buzzing....what the heck? I thought maybe I was having a mini stroke that was originating in my stomach...

I patted the area.....

OHHHH! ha ha ha

I had on a sweater with a pocket pouch in the front!

My cell was in THAT pocket!!