It is oozing everywhere

Jack oozes sarcasm 24 hours a day!

Here are samples of what I HAVE to read...every....day....


Student: Jack
Journal: How can you improve your physical fitness and health?

My fingers are a little weak, so I will need to exercise them. To improve my fingers' and thumbs' physical fitness, I will need to play Minecraft, MW3, and BF3. When exercising with such extreme workouts, you must be careful not to pull a ligament in your fingers or thumbs. Also, be careful not to strain your thumb muscle. If it gets to be too much, then take a break. 
In order to improve my health, food wise, I need to eat more Taco Bell. Taco Bell has foods from the food pyramid. They have lettuce, tomato, onion, and potato for vegetables. They have ground beef, steak, chicken, and sometimes, shrimp for meats. For grains, they have chips, rice, and tortilla. In all, Taco Bell is good for you.


Student: Jack
Journal: Have you ever watched a plant grow?

No, I have not watched a plant grow. Would I like to watch a plant grow? Why yes, I would love to sit and stare at the ground for hours on end. I hope I can control my excitement while I wait for a tiny green thing to pop out of the ground. Sadly, I don't have the time. As soon as I have at least no plans for three days, I'll be outside, on a lawn chair, in my snuggie, waiting.


Student: Jack
Journal: What are the advantages and disadvantages to having a pet rock? (2 separate entries)

Having a pet rock has its advantages. Pet rocks are really inexpensive. Pet rocks know some really amazing tricks like holding their breath under water forever. Pet rocks also never die! Pet rocks have at least two babies every time you hit one with a hammer! Pet rocks don't make messes, poop, pee, eat, or drink. Pet rocks also come in many different kinds! Pet bolder rocks are good guard rocks. Pet gravel rocks are grumpy and rough, but fun to watch. Pet pebble rocks make good lap rocks and they love skipping across water. Pet rocks are wonderful pets!


I previously wrote about advantages to having a pet rock, but there are some disadvantages. A disadvantage to having a pet rock is you have to move them. Pet rocks don't have legs, fins, wings, or belly muscles. A disadvantage to having a pet bolder rock is that they are hard to move and they are not an indoors rock. Pet gravel rocks hurt when you sit on them or walk on them barefoot. Pet pebble rocks can be lost easy. They are also easy to swallow. One more thing, make sure your pet rock is domesticated. If your pet rock is not domesticated, it could prove deadly for you and your family.

I would love to share Jack's history paper on:
China
A person in the the Han Dynasty

It is a long, short story.
It contained the historical facts.
The main character was Chingchangchow Pow Dhindiggdy Shizzlemewizzle Shefuh Shane "but you can call me Shane".


I know exactly where Jack would spend most of his time in REAL school.
...in trouble

I will never go to Brazil for a swim!

Have you ever been swimming in a pool, lake or ocean and something touches you? It clings to your arm and you flail to get it off. You move in closer, careful not to touch it and then you realize it is a band aid or piece of skin.

Well, if I am in the ocean and this happens, I usually think it is a monster trying to kill me and I put on quite a show before I realize it is just seaweed.


When I experience this in pools, I create quite the tidal wave as I try to swoosh all the surrounding water out of the pool. My family ignores me but strangers start to worry.

This act makes me feel that the pool is clean again.

Now I have a NEW worry...

I was recently reading in the Smithsonian Magazine about WHY the killer whales migrate and then spend just a short time in the subtropic waters off Uruguay and Brazil.

They have gone to the "spa"(warm waters) for a skin peel...
....killer whales shed their skin!

GAH!!

That is some major dead skin floating around in the ocean!!

I had a daymare of swimming in the ocean and then all of a sudden, I am trapped in this cloudy substance. I panic.
WHAT IS GOING ON??

I would never be the same again!

I would HAVE to peel all of my skin off....for sure!

stop spreading your nasty!

If MAZ was in the crowd....

I have always been fascinated by Jesus, "the teacher".

History tells us that Jesus would teach for long periods of time.

Was ADD not a problem back then?

I have never been to or watched ANYTHING that would completely thrill or entertain me for as long as these people would sit and listen to Jesus talk.

When I study the scripture, I try to put myself in that time...

The Sermon On The Mount

Historians think that the sermon on the mount took place here.....beautiful!

This might be the very sight!

As a teacher and easily distracted person...

My mind would be wandering:

"how could I recreate that color of blue in a quilt?"

"should I sit in the grass where sheep could have possibly peed or on this rock where a scorpion or bigmongus spider could be living?"

"why did I have to pick this area to sit? I think these people missed last months bath!"

And my number one concern of every hour of the day...

"when do we eat?"

And the teaching!

....you can have more than a temporary or circumstantial feeling of happiness

WHAT? those fleeting and few moments of complete happiness that I have experienced can be forever? they can feel deeper and real?

HOW?

*those who recognize they are in need of God's help

*those who mourn their sin that led to spiritual, emotional, or financial loss

*those who do not assert themselves over others for their own personal agenda

*those who hunger and search for what is morally right, virtuous an justifiable

*those that show kindness and mercy to others

*those that pursue purity and uprightness in all areas of life

*those who promote total well being both personally and communally

*those who have been wrongfully treated because of their faith

After hearing this talk, I would might think:

"that hobo dude is looney! and these 12 hippies are ridiculous!"

I would hope that my response would have been:

Oh how wonderful to be face to face with Jesus!

I am so in love with every word coming out of his mouth, every move he made, every moment his gaze passed me....

I could sit for hours and hours...maybe even days and days...and might not feel the hunger, hear the noisy kids, smell the offensive odors, see the camels spitting, or be concerned with germs and creepy crawlies!!

Based on my current distracted quiet times

my selfish and lazy habits

and my usual opinions of  "bible talkin" people...

I am afraid that Jesus could have walked right by me, go through torture and suffering, be nailed to a tree...and I might have ignored it all....

This year, ignore the worldly noise, smells, and views.

Fall in love with listening and talking to God!

My life is perfect...

My life is perfect and I have pictures to prove it!!

Here is a secret to get your own perfect life....

I want you to see my perfect kids that I have loved, trained, disciplined, taught.....

with blood, sweat, and tears....

Perfect picture of the boys

before the arms moved to strangle each other and the legs started tripping each other

and words were seeping from behind gritted teeth...

This year...be quick with a camera so you can snap a moment of perfect lies!

HOTEL HORROR

I am sure we all enter hotels the same way...

1.  luggage containing our clothes
2.  "mummy sleeping bag"

(so none of ME touches the bed, sheets, pillow, etc)

3. luggage containing the bleach, lysol, gloves, and CSI black light....

I had a great opportunity to join Jeff on one of his trial.

He gets to stay in NICE hotels.

BUT....that just means..."high priced" germs and yuck!

As Jeff was heading back to trial after New Year's...we made the LAST MINUTE decision for me to go with him.

Since I packed in 5 minutes...

I did not have time to pack my "hotel lounge wear"

THE HORROR:

After our drive and my large sweet tea, I needed to use the restroom.

Everything looked fine through my trifocals...so I did not do my magnifying glass inspection.

I used lamaze breathing and mental chants..

"everything is clean and sterile...I will be fine..."

I flushed the toilet....

The flush was so powerful, the toilet water rushed into the bowl with "fire hose" force.

I did not have time to turn around before...

I went in to shock and catatonic state......

Classic MAZ in solitude....

For about 14 years, I have been wanting to set aside time, either at the end of the year or beginning of the year, to organize my thoughts, journal prayers and praises, and just to simply set my mind, heart and soul on the path that God has provided.

I have heard this suggestion/advice a million times.
"Go to the beach, sit in the quiet ocean breeze..."
or "enjoy the quiet nature of the woods...."

Last time I was at the beach.....we were having so much fun...
I forgot about carving out a "planning time"
Check out how much fun we had!

Last time I was in the woods.....

Nature was so distracting.....I did not have quiet "planning time"

God always knows what we need and when we need it!!

God provided me with a wonderful couple of days of alone and quiet time....
free from nature distractions....free from fun distractions....

He sent me to Birmingham, Alabama!!
and my only view was the "hustle and bustle" of life...

I would like to share just one of several issues that God planned for my study...

SUBMISSION

"WHAT?".....I know!

I only said the "submission" part of my wedding vows because it was hard enough to find a preacher to marry us at the airport.....

if I had said "drop that submit phrase" I think Jeff and the pastor would have put me in therapy!

HOWEVER....

I have now found freedom in submission: 

*It is the ability to lay down the terrible burden of always needing to get our own way...

oh ho ho!!! I like that! I need to get my own way and it is exhausting!

*Submission can free us so that we can distinguish between genuine issues and stubborn self-will...

heavy weights of years of confusion start to fall off....

*Best way to handle most matters of submission is to say nothing...

SILENCE!! key to lasting peace in most matters!

*Self-denial is the foundation for submission, it saves us from self-indulgence.....

*If you love your spouse, you will live in consideration of their needs. You will be willing to give in to them. You will be free to regard them as more important than your own needs. You will be able to regard your children as more important then your own needs!

WAIT.....

freedom

putting others first

where is the part of the definition that makes me miserable and grumpy because I HAVE to do what others want instead of what I want.....

It wasn't there....

I found that submission is an act of love....denying yourself....

Beautiful!

I may post about some of my other adventures this week:

MAZ, REPENT! means whaaaaat?

If MAZ was in the audience during the Sermon on the Mount...

How MAZ...the workaholic, busy body finds that she is LAZY.....

(submission info found in Bible.. and book, Celebration of Discipline)