meeting a gang leader

I was in a meeting today

with a man that looked to be in his mid 80s....

He was telling a story as he rose to leave.

something like... "popped a cap in his ass" left his lips as he pulled this

out of his pocket and placed it on his head....

I was so amused that I did not hear anything else that was said....

Instead, in my mind, this human man turned into 

and was the gang leader of the mupps

a menace on the golf course

too bad I don't write reports on the minutes of the meetings...

see....SEE....I told ya!

This little booger/turd is the reason why I don't read used books (library or thrift store).

Whatchu talkin bout Willis?

My job is bi-polar.

Almost every aspect is so out of my element that I am constantly thinking

 "well, this was fun...but I am sure I will be told it is my last day"

On the other hand, my God-given "natural" gifts of being organized, an educator, and behaviorist, are used daily and I am constantly telling my family

"I love my job!"

SOOOOOO

when I was asked to get a Personal Fitness Trainer Certification, my response was

WHATCHU TALKIN BOUT?

I have struggled with my weight since I had Jack! 15 years! 

I have lost and found the same 40 pounds that I am sporting right now!

I don't LIVE to exercise! I occasionally exercise to live!

After I calmed down, I thought about the reason I needed the certification.  I would not be leading exercise classes or teaching nutrition.  I would be helping our clients perform their jobs without causing injury to their body.

YES! I can do that! I have several years of experience with physical and occupational therapy with my students! I LOVE that aspect!

I was Pre-Med to be an Occupational Therapist until my college guide suggested that I change my major, after my 3rd try at Pre-Med Biology......

Thinking that the class would be an unbearable "Jane Fonda" program,

I searched high and low for my leg warmers.

I started studying....

The book was 465 pages of anatomy, kinesiology, physiology....

College stress flooded over me.

I grabbed a coke and a bag of chips and started studying the health and fitness...

I had to fill out a 55 page workbook and developed a blister/callous.

This was going to be the worst 3 day class of my life!

MY FINGER IS NOT EVEN IN SHAPE!!

On the first day of class, I felt the character I would be in this group of fitness nuts:

does everyone remember "fat guy in a little coat"?

They were all aliens! They eat, sleep and breathe exercise!

How can you coach/train an individual that struggles with weight/eating when you don't understand what they are going through!!

I started to realize this was the job for me!

By the second day, I realized I was the one with the best self-body image!!

These 80 pound girls were whining about their butts.

I did feel sorry for them. 

I could not imagine going through life without a butt!

Then I realized they thought they had too much butt!!

SERIOUSLY?  I was looking at these girls. No boobs, no butt!

They were all elbows, ribs and clavicles! OUCH! 

I was nervous the whole time that when they did an exercise, their bones would rip through their skin......

I am not against HEALTHY exercise and eating

BUT as they shared their issues (they don't think they have issues, but fat people do), I began to feel better!

I felt the overwhelming urge to hug them and bring them Quarter Pounder Meals....

but I did not think that would go over very well...

My 2 part test is today.

I will get the results in 4 weeks.

I will let you know which McDonald's to come party!

Don't worry, I will park in the farthest parking space to get my steps in for the day!

UPS guy stumps the neighbors!

Good thing I have the cognitive skills of a 4-7 month old so I could find my partially hidden package.  I am guessing the UPS guy knows my neighbors personally, and knew they would not be able to find it!

Found mama's big ones in Clarksville Tn

On Tuesday, I swept Jeff away on an overnight "get away".  

OK, I was going out of town overnight for business and I drug him with me.

.....to Clarksville, TN (a whole 3 1/2 hours away)

Now my regular readers know I am grossed out by hotels and public restrooms and...

well anything germy!

So you can imagine my thoughts and actions when I arrived at our hotel and found 

THIS BATHROOM

yes, it was clean....but hospital themed....really?

Jeff is used to $800 a night luxury hotel rooms so he was a tiny bit out of his element.

I took him to the local eatery, Blackhorse Pub and Grill, so he could calm down and relax.

a lot

 AHHH...a romantic night in Clarksville.....

we went to the playground by the Cumberland.....

creek?...no, stream....ok...River.....i guess

The next day when I got off work, we set out to see the rest of the town!

This is the Roxy.  A friend from college told me about it and I was excited to check it out. 

It was closed for the day.

Here's the church.....where's the steeples?

(really cool)

Kids of Clarksville enjoying the summer

 We dined like the stars at the famous Frank's Hamburgers "celebrating 30 years serving Clarksville"

The burger was so good, I did not even quit eating when the owner showed me and talked about his missing teeth

 (well the gaps)

We stopped in this old place....

There was so much stuff, you would never have enough time to find all the big treasures.

We saw every inch of Clarksville! It was a long but exciting 15 minutes!

On the way back to Memphis, we enjoyed a few hours in the Montgomery Bell State Park

 the treasured zombie deer to be found in the park.....

we saw middle Tennesseans practicing for the olympic paddle boat event 

Does anyone know where Cumberland Presbyterian started?

RIGHT HERE!

Reverand Samuel McAdow came over to the Cumberland area of Tennessee to minister to the pioneers.  These people turned from the theology of "the chosen" (predestination) and began following the theology of "whoever comes"......that is the best I can remember from what I read on the plaque...and was confusing since presbyterian is known for predistination...

I wish I had a sound bite for you....

Jeff and I heard one of the coolest sounds EVER!

When we walked by this little church in the middle of the forest, we heard someone preaching.  We stood a few minutes and listened as the handful of people began to sing Amazing Grace.  It was beautiful to hear due to the acoustics in the tiny stone church.....

THEN we noticed at the same time......it wasn't in English...it was definitely one of the most beautiful "Amazing Grace" I have ever heard but they were singing in a different language! (korean I think)

BEAUTIFUL

As we drove through another small town (still heading back to Memphis) we passed a house that made Jeff want to try his hand at "American Pickers"

He did it!

Jeff: "I'll give you $10 for this"  

Lady: "I can't do that...it has all of its pieces. I can do $15"

Jeff: "ok!"

Later on the ride home, he told me that he was looking for one more item to "bundle".

I am pretty sure that Mike and Frank would have been proud of Jeff...

This is actually going on my list of a favorite time with Jeff.

THANKS Clarksville, TN!

and Dickson

and Charlotte

and that town with one stop sign!

Do you think anyone used a straw at the last supper?

Most of the time, when we do communion at our church, each row stands up and files down front to receive the "bread" and the "cup".

I was raised to sit in the pew and let the plate be passed to me.  I preferred this tradition to the "communion parade".

It has taken me several years to realize that communion is between me and my Lord.  I can't hide in the pew and partake of the bread and juice while thinking about laundry or work. I now feel that going down front is better, for me. It forces me to GET UP and take a stand.  I don't worry if people notice my hair freakin out or my skirt turned slightly to the side.  I am going to the Lord in repentance, praise and obedience.  Sometimes, I get so lost in prayer or the singing, that I become very emotional and tears run down my cheeks.

Today's communion was just as special as all the others.  I prepared my heart. Confessed the things that I put before God.
Praised God for making me the way I am, praised Him for loving me.....

I took the cracker and received my blessing. Ate the cracker....
I took the tiny plastic cup and received my blessing.....


I thanked Jesus for dying a horrible death FOR ME....MAZ, an earthly flaw, but perfection in God's eyes...
I tipped the cup...
BUT my head and neck did not move (due to some muscle pain)...still lost in a world of just me and God....
I slurped the juice from the cup as if my lips were a bendy straw. I ran my tongue into the tiny cup to lap out what I missed....

It wasn't until I looked up and noticed the first two rows staring at me that I realized what that might have looked like to everyone else...

Embarrassment flooded over me as I walked back to my seat.......

and then the Lord reminded me that he called ME to follow Him.  He chose me!
He chose MAZ.....MAZ that is selfish, MAZ that speaks harsh, MAZ that slurps communion.....

MAZ, child of God.