Midlife MAZ

changing it all up for 2013

getting rid of the 39 year life obsession collection


making every minute count


taking more pictures

yes, dad, I know it is not centered

We purchased our 2nd TV in our 49 years of marriage.  

We have always had "hand-me-downs" (for which we are grateful) but one year when I was teaching, we bought a BIG TV, during the holiday sales.

It was sleeting outside and when we tried to put it in our tiny Saturn sedan,

 NOPE.

We stood in the freezing rain and took it out of the box, wedged the TV in the back seat and I rode with my face plastered to the windshield.

We were very proud of our large TUBE BOXY ridiculous TV.

About a year later, we were watching the TV and ..........*bloop*......the screen darkened like a black hole and no more TV. 

 We went back to using the "hand-me-down" "never gonna die" TV.

SOOOOO

This holiday season, we are trying it again!

We bought our 2nd TV.  Flat screen, 47 inch...because even though our living room is 3ft by 5ft....you can't get a TV that is TOO BIG.

It didn't fit into our castle sized cabinet, so we had to rearrange and let it have a wall to itself.  

HOWEVER, some bald guy cut out a square of the wall for wires (behind the giant cabinet).

What to do, what to do?

I KNOW!

I commissioned Max to paint me 3 paintings to hang above the TV, over the hole, and not be too bright or busy.  If you haven't witnessed our house, the "decorating" is..........fun......wild........artsy......hmmm.....

WELL, since he was getting paid....he went right to work!

 I LOVE IT, MAX!!

A mother's nightmare...a Halloween story

Public schools...............

believe what you want.

but the truth is more disturbing than anything you will ever hear!

I abandon my children every day just so I can have some ME time 40 hours a week.

In the evening, I prepare myself to hear about each one's day....
will this be the story littered with public school horrors that makes me go back to home schooling?
will this be the story with evidence of dangers that force me to stay home?


My son walks home from school through the city streets where dangers, only YOU can imagine, lurk at every turn.
Earlier this week:
"mom, guess what I found on the ground when I was walking home from school today!"

I held my breath.....don't say it...don't say it....

He said it.......

A BOOK OF STAMPS

OH   NOOOOOOO....not stamps!  And with only one missing.....what is this world coming to???

That is it!  I am done with this city!

 

Max Ziegenhorn earns Valedictorian!!

My oldest recently informed me that his "homeschool" friends were just not enough!

Jack, unlike me, loves to be with people!  He asked us if he could go back school.

We can not afford his school of choice, 

So we said he could go back to public school.

I have experience teaching in Memphis City high schools. 

 I had plenty of advice to give him but I know teens don't want to hear advice, so I gave him two important areas to avoid!

1. Don't go to the bathroom.  Don't go during class time.  If you must go, get out quick.  Freaky stuff goes on in high school bathrooms.  You never know what you may find!

2.  Don't linger in secluded places and never pause near a dumpster. It is a whole different world behind the school!

Jack will return to being a White Station Spartan on Monday!

other graduate

MAZ famous from birth!

It is no wonder why I like to be famous in the social network.  I was pushed into fame at birth.

My birth was highly publicized in a famous world wide read publication!!

39 years ago, on October 13, 1973, I blessed the world with my presence.

classicMAA,  was larger than life......10lbs 5oz

Classic MAZ plays a game on the beach

Everybody seemed to have something to do this morning, so I spent several hours by myself on the beach.  IT WAS HEAVENLY!

I observed quite a few oddities in people (my favorite thing to do) and then I laid back, closed my eyes, soaked up the sun and listened to the surf.

I heard some commotion, raised my head and tried to focus on what was coming toward me.  I sat up straighter and sucked in my belly as I saw about 8 Magnum P.I. look alikes walking toward me.  They had on tight scuba clothes and sunglasses.

They walked right up to me.

"Hey beautiful, you are rocking this beach in your swim skirt, big floppy hat and glowing red, sun baked skin.  Do you want to come with us on our luxury boat to a paradise island?"

"Well, it is nice to receive compliments from men other than my husband, but I am in love with Jeff and choose to stay here in Alabama."

blurry, blurry, dreamy harp music....

Reality conversation

"Ma'am, Ma'am? Hey, sorry to disturb you, can we use you as a marker on the beach?  We are doing contract work for BP and need to stay directly in front of you.  If you are not getting up, we could use you and your big hat to keep us in line as we swim further out."

"sigh....yea, I guess"

I waited for the guys to swim out and watched as they kept checking their "huge mark" on the beach.  They stayed in line with me and dove under to retrieve sand samples.  By the third dive, I thought I would have some fun.  I moved my chair a couple of feet, sat back down and pretended to be relaxing. They popped up, found their "mark", swam over a couple of feet and dove back down.  I moved my chair a couple of more feet, sat back down and relaxed.  They popped up, looked at me, looked at the tent I was moving toward and then seemed to lose interest in their "mark".

Jeff would have found my antics funny!  The Magnum P.I.s......not so much.

"yep...the red lady in the swim skirt and floppy hat thinks she is funny.....she isn't"

lean in!

It would be really nice if all of you would just revolve around me!
sigh

I just don't have that IT quality that seduces everyone to think about me 24/7.....

This is a problem because when I am out of town, I can only post my thrillingness on my personal facebook page.  When I am home, I am able to blog....which posts on my ClassicMAZ page.

I don't know who is missing out on my awesomeness, and I don't want to blog the same stuff that I have posted on my FB page....

What a complicated life!

I thought about doing this post about my Utah trip, but I am afraid most of you heard enough from my postings those 4 days.

I wanted to share the beautiful Salt Lake City life with you all...

(don't forget you must always click on my pics to "get it")

I wanted to tell you that Jeff is so romantic.  The first place he took me was

a wood store....yAyee

I wanted to tell you about Olympic Park and the secret to skiing....

you land in a pool that is just out of the camera shot!

 I wanted to tell you about our awesome hotel

 and how we channeled The Shining

Jeff was scarier than those twin girls

 (go watch The Shining if you don't know what I am talking about. It is the perfect girly, feel good movie. I promise!)

I wanted to tell you about me actually letting Jeff take my picture (I hate pics of me)....

but I always look like a softball player (not that there is anything wrong with that) or my shirt was too low, or .......well.....my face

But instead of talking about the Utah trip,

I am going to tell a story on my weird sons!

Tonight at the dinner table, I thought I would take a picture of the empty chair, post it on facebook, and then say "Monday night, our family will be complete"

because Jeff will be back home

so I started to take the pic and realized the boys weren't in the picture

I said "guys, lean in"

at the same time they

WHAT IN THE WORLD......

A story like you have never read before....

One summer night, after graduating high school, a girl was at a house with a bunch of new college friends.

Two guys ran through the house shooting rubber bands at each other.

The guy with long floppy hair and killer blue eyes hid behind a hanging plant (with only head hidden).....

"shhhhh, Kevin will never find me."

What an idiot! -the girl thought.

Kevin ran through the room, looked around, "where did he go?"...ran to next room.

The girl left that night thinking those were the strangest guys ever....

The girl and blue eyes went with all the college friends to movies, dinners, football games, basketball games, etc...

The girl soon realized that blue eyes was not so strange.  

The girl fell in love!

After 3 1/2 years of dating, the girl and blue eyes married.

After 2 years of marriage, the girl and blue eyes started a family.......

The girl soon realized she was not the typical wife and mother.

While most young mothers and wives were excelling at becoming Martha Stewart,

the girl was crafting alien autopsy cakes.......

The girl and blue eyes were perfect together and so blue eyes took over the cooking and baking.....

Of course, the girl and blue eyes had another son (read about him in September).

The years rolled by...

The girl's hair grayed,
blue eyes' hair disappeared.....

Then, one day, the baby was turning 15 and asked for a cookie cake....
Kroger told the girl they did not make cookie cakes anymore.
Blue eyes was gone on a long business trip.

The girl attempted another cake (10 yrs after the alien autopsy).

The baby and the girl wished blue eyes had been available.....

The baby is ready to learn to drive on the streets..

 looks like the girl will teach her baby to drive

The baby wishes blue eyes would hurry home

FLAT JEFF

My Jeff is on another long business trip.  I expressed on facebook how much I miss him and a friend of mine suggested a "flat Jeff", like a Flat Stanley.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

Max, when he was in the first grade, sent Flat Stanley on an adventure from Tennessee to California.

Stanley had so much fun with the family, I knew Flat Jeff would too!

At first, it was wonderful!

I made Flat Jeff do chores......

and he was about as helpful as Real Jeff!

I finally beat "Jeff" at Risk. 

 I was thrilled and couldn't wait to see "defeat" on his face.....

but he just kept looking so cute and offering me that dang flower!

It wasn't long before we felt like Real Jeff was back home.....

He started griping at Jack...

"oh...ok, so he can shoot me with a pistol only once, but I can't shoot him in the face with a rocket launcher!"

He griped at the Memphis drivers...

"WHAT?  oh....ok.....PICK A LANE!......good grief, what does she think she is doing..."

AND he somehow ends up with all the covers....

Now I am really missing my Real Jeff! 

 Flat Jeff likes to pretend that he has a head full of hair....

I think it is a tiny bit annoying.....and creepy!

 Flat Jeff, like Real Jeff, enjoys the whiskey.......
but Flat Jeff almost emptied the bottle at 9AM, Saturday morning!

 I introduced Flat Jeff to Flat Stanley and they are keeping busy with Real Jeff's tools........

 I am afraid what they might do with them...



COME HOME, REAL JEFF!!!

what we saw on the way to breakfast.....

I took the boys to Brother Juniper's for "back to school breakfast" this morning.

(the crazy kids asked to start school this coming Monday instead of waiting for the day after Labor Day)

As we were walking across the parking lot, we all three saw something at the same time.

We slowed our walk simultaneously.  We were proceeding with caution.

From a small distance, and with the sun/shadows, we saw something disturbing, lumpy, black/brown......

We got closer:

Jack:  "oh!  I thought that was a real animal that had been burned!"

Max:  "oh!  I thought that was a burned infant!"

Me:  "I thought it was elephant dung."

Boys turn and look at me like I am crazy.

Me:  "what?"

Jack:  "how could that be?"

Me:  "well......"

I obviously have the best imagination!

Wish I had been at THAT funeral!

Last night I attended a meeting in a local church.  As the speaker began giving the important information that had drug me out at my bedtime, I noticed something in the floor behind him.  Dirt!

And off my imagination went.....causing me to miss all the needed information.

Dirt.
Why would there be a pile of dirt by the altar?

ASHES!
What religious ceremony would cause a need for ashes on the floor......

CREMATION!
I started to imagine a funeral. Solemn. Quiet. Serious. Sad.
Then the pastor spills the ashes...

no! a grieving family member spills the ashes...

no! two family members fight over the ashes and end up spilling some of "grandma" on the floor...

Oh how I wished I could have been at this imaginary funeral.

Then I was snapped back to reality as the speaker said:
"I don't usually dress in all black, but we had a funeral here today."

BaHAHAHAH!

whoops. did I laugh out loud?

BACK TO SCHOOL TIME!!!

When I taught in the schools, I loved back to school time!

I loved buying teaching supplies, organizing lesson plans and schedules, and setting up my room

(except for the year that I had no room and was forced to teach in a stairwell.....boys that had spent time in juvy.....that is the year I retired)

ANYWAY

The OTHER years...

I liked the anticipation and excitement that came with not knowing the kind of students I would be teaching.

I LOVED getting to know them...

and then by the end of September, I had labeled (not out loud of course) the kids that I was excited to see each day, and the kids that I hoped miss the bus.

I don't have that luxury now.

I know EVERY year EXACTLY what kind of students I will be teaching....

And sometimes I long for the criminals in the dimly lit stairwell)

I blame the parents

MAZ colored glasses

Time Machine

Asthma Inhaler

A Wife

 Stairway To Hell

Nemo, Michigan J. Frog, Sebastian

Well that's what I saw last 2 weeks. What about you?