A story like you have never read before....

One summer night, after graduating high school, a girl was at a house with a bunch of new college friends.

Two guys ran through the house shooting rubber bands at each other.

The guy with long floppy hair and killer blue eyes hid behind a hanging plant (with only head hidden).....

"shhhhh, Kevin will never find me."

What an idiot! -the girl thought.

Kevin ran through the room, looked around, "where did he go?"...ran to next room.

The girl left that night thinking those were the strangest guys ever....

The girl and blue eyes went with all the college friends to movies, dinners, football games, basketball games, etc...

The girl soon realized that blue eyes was not so strange.  

The girl fell in love!

After 3 1/2 years of dating, the girl and blue eyes married.

After 2 years of marriage, the girl and blue eyes started a family.......

The girl soon realized she was not the typical wife and mother.

While most young mothers and wives were excelling at becoming Martha Stewart,

the girl was crafting alien autopsy cakes.......

The girl and blue eyes were perfect together and so blue eyes took over the cooking and baking.....

Of course, the girl and blue eyes had another son (read about him in September).

The years rolled by...

The girl's hair grayed,
blue eyes' hair disappeared.....

Then, one day, the baby was turning 15 and asked for a cookie cake....
Kroger told the girl they did not make cookie cakes anymore.
Blue eyes was gone on a long business trip.

The girl attempted another cake (10 yrs after the alien autopsy).

The baby and the girl wished blue eyes had been available.....

The baby is ready to learn to drive on the streets..

 looks like the girl will teach her baby to drive

The baby wishes blue eyes would hurry home

FLAT JEFF

My Jeff is on another long business trip.  I expressed on facebook how much I miss him and a friend of mine suggested a "flat Jeff", like a Flat Stanley.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!

Max, when he was in the first grade, sent Flat Stanley on an adventure from Tennessee to California.

Stanley had so much fun with the family, I knew Flat Jeff would too!

At first, it was wonderful!

I made Flat Jeff do chores......

and he was about as helpful as Real Jeff!

I finally beat "Jeff" at Risk. 

 I was thrilled and couldn't wait to see "defeat" on his face.....

but he just kept looking so cute and offering me that dang flower!

It wasn't long before we felt like Real Jeff was back home.....

He started griping at Jack...

"oh...ok, so he can shoot me with a pistol only once, but I can't shoot him in the face with a rocket launcher!"

He griped at the Memphis drivers...

"WHAT?  oh....ok.....PICK A LANE!......good grief, what does she think she is doing..."

AND he somehow ends up with all the covers....

Now I am really missing my Real Jeff! 

 Flat Jeff likes to pretend that he has a head full of hair....

I think it is a tiny bit annoying.....and creepy!

 Flat Jeff, like Real Jeff, enjoys the whiskey.......
but Flat Jeff almost emptied the bottle at 9AM, Saturday morning!

 I introduced Flat Jeff to Flat Stanley and they are keeping busy with Real Jeff's tools........

 I am afraid what they might do with them...



COME HOME, REAL JEFF!!!

what we saw on the way to breakfast.....

I took the boys to Brother Juniper's for "back to school breakfast" this morning.

(the crazy kids asked to start school this coming Monday instead of waiting for the day after Labor Day)

As we were walking across the parking lot, we all three saw something at the same time.

We slowed our walk simultaneously.  We were proceeding with caution.

From a small distance, and with the sun/shadows, we saw something disturbing, lumpy, black/brown......

We got closer:

Jack:  "oh!  I thought that was a real animal that had been burned!"

Max:  "oh!  I thought that was a burned infant!"

Me:  "I thought it was elephant dung."

Boys turn and look at me like I am crazy.

Me:  "what?"

Jack:  "how could that be?"

Me:  "well......"

I obviously have the best imagination!

Wish I had been at THAT funeral!

Last night I attended a meeting in a local church.  As the speaker began giving the important information that had drug me out at my bedtime, I noticed something in the floor behind him.  Dirt!

And off my imagination went.....causing me to miss all the needed information.

Dirt.
Why would there be a pile of dirt by the altar?

ASHES!
What religious ceremony would cause a need for ashes on the floor......

CREMATION!
I started to imagine a funeral. Solemn. Quiet. Serious. Sad.
Then the pastor spills the ashes...

no! a grieving family member spills the ashes...

no! two family members fight over the ashes and end up spilling some of "grandma" on the floor...

Oh how I wished I could have been at this imaginary funeral.

Then I was snapped back to reality as the speaker said:
"I don't usually dress in all black, but we had a funeral here today."

BaHAHAHAH!

whoops. did I laugh out loud?

BACK TO SCHOOL TIME!!!

When I taught in the schools, I loved back to school time!

I loved buying teaching supplies, organizing lesson plans and schedules, and setting up my room

(except for the year that I had no room and was forced to teach in a stairwell.....boys that had spent time in juvy.....that is the year I retired)

ANYWAY

The OTHER years...

I liked the anticipation and excitement that came with not knowing the kind of students I would be teaching.

I LOVED getting to know them...

and then by the end of September, I had labeled (not out loud of course) the kids that I was excited to see each day, and the kids that I hoped miss the bus.

I don't have that luxury now.

I know EVERY year EXACTLY what kind of students I will be teaching....

And sometimes I long for the criminals in the dimly lit stairwell)

I blame the parents

MAZ colored glasses

Time Machine

Asthma Inhaler

A Wife

 Stairway To Hell

Nemo, Michigan J. Frog, Sebastian

Well that's what I saw last 2 weeks. What about you?