losing everything

Everyone knows that you lose stuff as you get older. I mean physically.....well you may actually lose STUFF but for this post, I will be speaking about physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc....

Recently, I had the privilege of spending some one-on-one time with Jeff's grandmother while she is in the hospital. I have known her for about 18 years. She can be funny, sarcastic, grumpy, stubborn and sometimes downright mean.....

Thursday, she was in some pain and slept most of the day. When she was awake, she was mostly quiet. I started to observe and realize what it must be like to grow old. It is painful, sad and lonely in most ways. You lose hearing, sight, taste, smell and most people lose mental clarity. Your body starts to ache in almost every part. If you are having medical issues then it is even more painful. Your skin is thinning and you bruise or sore easily.

People talk to them as if they are an infant....because FACE IT....they look like they are not all there!!! I know MJ. I know that she is funny and most of the time she is mentally alert. Each nurse came in and talked to her in a high pitch, slow, wide eyes and close to her face as if she were from another country or a baby. I got cracked up at the looks she would give them. I won't tell you what she would say about them or what gestures they would receive as they left the room!!!

By the time you are that old, people don't know who you really are...or were....MJ played basketball before there was dribbling and she played tennis well into her 60s. I think of my own grandma. She hopped train cars, cut school, was on the roller derby team and caused all kinds of trouble as an identical twin. I think of women and men who have fought in wars, raised wonderful kids, invented things, built things, taught school.......or maybe have wonderful or interesting stories to tell....

But when they are lying in the hospital, nursing home, etc.....nobody sees them for those things....they see them as old people who don't know what is going on anymore...

There are some exceptions (mental illnesses) but no matter how distant they seem....I bet their minds have gone back to the special times. The times that meant the most to them.

I wonder what I will be thinking about when I am old and my body is breaking down. I wonder if I will be thinking of the first time I met Jeff and he was chasing Kevin Hipp around a house having a rubber band war and he hid behind a hanging plant......and I thought "what an idiot....but he is cute"
I wonder if I will think about the millions of fun times with my sons? or maybe my grandkids (hopefully all boys)...
I wonder if I will remember the crazy things I would do and say with my best friend Melony?
I wonder if I will think of my first date when I was 15 (you know who you are).....to a school dance driven by his mother with his little sister in the van...
I wonder if I will think about the worst memories...deaths of babies, friends, family...
Or maybe things that have not even happened yet (hopefully winning money)...

It was hard to watch MJ while she was in pain the other day. I don't want to be that way. I don't want to get old. I don't want my body to shut down on me. I want to see my family grow around me...but if my body starts to fail and it can't be repaired....then I PRAY that the Lord will take me home!!!!

Just in case that prayer does not get answered...like my "give me money" prayer, and my "make the baby quit crying" prayer and my "let this be the last ear surgery" prayer....

I will tell all my readers exactly what I have told Jeff:

If I am ever in a state where I can not communicate (non-verbal, vegetative, coma), DO NOT cover me up!! I would rather be cold than hot!!!
 DO NOT rub on my arm or stroke my hair or pat my shoulder! That irritates the crap out of me!!! .......however, if you think these things would irritate me so much it would bring me out of the coma...then do it....